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Mine, All Mine by chi3nne
January 2010

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What the???
January 25, 2010

I spent all weekend working...all except 3 hours to watch a football game and 30 mins each night to eat dinner. I worked my ass off and I felt pretty good as I went off to bed last night with my plan for the week ahead all written out.

Today? Eh that feeling of digging myself out is gone. Jason had to catch a flight to NY early this morning so of course I woke up when he did and could not fall asleep again until he was gone at about 4:15 a.m. My alarm went off at 6. I got up and as soon as I walked out my bedroom door I saw a small pile of his clothes in the hall way, in the bathroom and then I walked downstairs and all the tags and boxes from his new clothes all over kitchen table and then I start really noticing all the little piles of clutter...HIS every single one of them. Why because I pick up every night before I got to bed. I gave him warning so I will take time tonight to not only pick up after myself but I will put anything that is his that is not in a proper place or at the very least a short term acceptable place, into a garbage bag.

I drive 35 mins to pick up shirt so the new construction company then another 20 mins to the office to hold and lead the meeting with the sales reps. Of course by the time I leave there I have about 598235978 more things I need to do. Then I go to Movie Maker cliet to pick up bills and some other things so add 948578932 more things to do. I get three damn calls on my way to the bank creating another 435 things for me to do. ARH!

I wonder why I am stuggling so hard to keep my head above water with work and people wonder why I can't get everything done when they want it? Something has got to give. I should be able to work long, hard and productively since Jason is out of town until Wed. night (he wonders why I don't have the time to drive him to and from the airport?). All I can do is work until I can't anymore then sleep and do it all again and again until the work is done or at least a manageable pace.

I did get a call from Kiddo, that was nice. We talked about his classes and the football game etc.

Tamii's dad died Saturday night and it is hard on her because...her mom left not only her dad but her as well, her dad raised her but he was a big time alchoholic beat the crap out of her etc. He was in and out of rehab at least half a dozen times. She personally lived with him in the woods on top of a mountain for three months trying to dry him up. She and everyone else that loved him did all they could and in the end most cut him out of their lives, including Tamii. He drank himself death, literally. He was admitted to the ER with a BOC of 5.4 he was comatose and died the next morning at 2 a.m. He died alone, broke and drunk. There will be no funeral, the county will pay to have him cremated. Tamii will recieve his belongings which will arrive in two boxes this week. She always held out hope that one day he would wake up and things would be clear and that she and he could once again be father and daughter. That will never happen and she is sad for that. She is sad that he died broke and alone. She is sad that even if there were a funeral maybe 3 people would show up her and her husband being two of them and his sister being the other. It breaks my heart to see her so mad, sad and defeated.

UGH I hate Mondays!
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