January 27, 2010
OMG it is only Wed. and I am sooooooooooo ready for the weekend...Ok maybe not this weekend because Jason will have his girls here and as much I adore the eldest and the younger one is getting better I just so want time at home on a weekend where I can take care of me, my home and my relationship. But nope not this weekend. It will consist of rollerskating on Saturday with teh girls because I promised the oldest and then I will sleep or stay in bed as long as possible on Sunday. I guess all the constant company over the last couple of months combined with the girls every other weekend visits has just got me wanting nothing but solitude.
I was really prodcutive these past few days and I am not done yet. I have about 4 hours before Jason gets bak into town so I will make the most of them. The rest of the week is mapped out pretty heavy as well.
I had a meeting with Movie Make client today and thank god it went OK. As it turns out because they changed the regular schedule we had as far as when I was in the office to pick up mail as well as meet with her it caused a lapse in me getting some bills and/or her approving them for payment. We worked out something that will require more work on my end as far as sending weekly and monthly reports but with that my fee went up =)
So here is the thing I have noticed over the past three days with Jason (I hate that, that is his name because of Fourplets Ex) beint gone. I am not sure if it is because we are still having some issues with co-habitating and I have put up some walls preparing myself emotionally in the event this simply cannot work or if it is because I am just so over people right now and am not only needing time alone but craving it, but I have loved coming home to a empty house and having it be only me and the cats. I honestly can't say that I really truly missed him. Yeah it has only been 2 days really so I am not looking to much into it but he says he really missed me and cannot wait to get home to me blah blah blah and I am like, eh OK. Right this secnd as I look at my pile of work and around the house I wish he were going to be gone another week just so I could get done what I need to get done without having to deal with his kids and our co-habitaiton issues. It was nice to have a few days to just be me and worry about only me and my clients and my cats. I know I love him but I also know we do have those issues of living together and if anythng these past three days only made it more evident that if these things are not resolved there is no point in living together. His custody case is nearly wrapped up so I would have fulfilled my promise. I mean why live with someone if in the end you end up with more work and stress than if you were living alone? Isn't a partner suppose to eleviate some of that for you? Should the pay off be bigger than sacrafice? I mean I see it this way...I have opend my home to him and his children and I cannot even expect him to pick up after himself and his kids on a regular basis? What is the trade off for me? Delicious but fattening and unhealthy meals a couple times a week where I have to clean up after them. Someone to help with the bills. Ok it is nice but I can manage fine without and in the end I probably spend more because he is here. We take turn doing dishes he cleans one bathroom and I clean the other. I launder the towels and sheets. I change the sheets. I dust and vacuum and mop floors. I pay for repairs/improvements to the house. He mows and shovels (with nagging). Of course there is love and someone to cuddle up with but no way in hell does that over rule the quality of my daily life. I will tell him all of this but I wanted to pound it out here first.
Ok off to work.