October 11, 2017
I love autumn...love the cooler weather, the changing leaves, the shorter days, the smell of fresh rain fall.
Things are going along. Work is still super busy, such a good thing. I was able to hire another assistant, she happens to be one of my best friends so it is really fun. We have worked together before, so we already knew we were compatible in the work sense as well.
I was looking back through a few entries from around this time last year. I think my emotions are dulled a lot of the time now. I haven't been curious to look at his search history or anything like that. I sleep in my bed just fine. I am almost over asking him for any semblance of affection. Recently he very clearly and loudly stated how he doesn't like to be touched. Okay, message received.
I do still think that if he met someone new, he would be all over the physical affection with them. So I have to just believe that it is me. But his loss, really...
My girls hug and kiss me everyday, even though they are 16 and 18 now. And puppies are good for unconditional love as well. Especially my little boy puppy. Well, he is not little anymore, 8 months old and 45 pounds. He still thinks he is tiny and should be able to sit on my lap. in fact he is at my leg right now, wanting to get up on my lap while I type.
I don't need sex anymore, when I think about it now, I feel a little strange about it. I think I am beyond wishing for romance as well. The contact and affection I can get elsewhere. So I guess it's just companionship for the moment for my husband and I. Good grief, I hate going over and over this.
I am going to try to find other things to focus on. I think I come here and let it out because it churns in my brain and I don't speak about any of this anymore with anyone in my daily life.
All right, back to work.