May 27, 2012
It has been a miserable hot day today with the air heavy with moisture and other forebodings. Thunderstorms have been wandering through the air making it grey and thick. I suppose that has come to be represented in a lot of things as well as the weather. I really wish to be somewhere else, preferably cool and a sharp, crisp bite in the air. I could use some solitude to think and a camp high in the mountains sounds like it might fit the bill.
I suppose in some way it is my natural tendency to be hermetic kicking in, but I also want to be free to think without the constant distraction that is so typical here. It is normally as turgid as the heavy air found here today. It is almost the consistency of mucus-like gel and it makes breath and movement difficult. I find myself wanting to be free of so many things -- but oddly desire to be intertwined with so many others. It is kind of an odd sensation to be desiring of simplicity and freedom but longing for connection and intimacy at the same time. Guess to make things right for myself, I will have to settle for one then work to the other if it is at all possible.
First, I have to slog through all the preparations and for that I am just going to have to pull myself up by the bootstraps. I will have to tolerate these women as well as I can until I can make the move. I can't let them drag me down with their pointless hysterics and drama-seeking ways. I know of people with more serious and destructive problems than either of them have ever dealt with and they don't make anywhere the noise that these harridans do. Time to be the rock and plow through the problems rather than the wind blowing pointlessly on about them. Maybe then, I can do someone some good for someone -- especially myself and perhaps to some of those dear to me.