February 25, 2014
As was evidenced by yesterday's entry, I am still struggling with some of the same old demons that have plagued me for years, Doing for myself has always been a challenge simply because I have never really been a priority to myself and I still remain that way. Of course, I have added to that dilemma because of my developing attitudes toward the system as it now stands. I like my gadgets and comforts, but the bread & circuses world that we live in makes my stomach turn. I see it coming down to some very drastic choices being made in the near future and I am not certain that there will be a positive outcome.
Essentially, I am faced with the twin horns of my own sense of personal unimportance and the general feeling that world is going to hell in a hand basket with those in power leading the way, It does not encourage one to believe in a positive future and investing heavily in the world as it sits, If anything, I would be more inclined to start digging tunnels under the Homestead and becoming a prepper, stocking away weapons & supplies while learning as many survival skills as possible,
Whatever the case, I am having difficulty finding a reason to build anything, do anything, and simply exist. All I find myself feeling about my life is tired and disinterested. There is nothing going on in and I really don't see much of anything at arm's reach either. There is no firm ground, let alone a foundation, to build upon. I feel like a mote of dust floating in the wind--without direction and without substance.