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This Thing Called Life by Pansis
March 2017
6So it's been a few Weeks
12I had the Talk with Him
13So Much Pain...So Much Loss
14I Need to Feel Alive
18First Few Days
19Sunday and Feeling Better
21Still Transgender - Acceptance?
25Thoughts and Memories
26Prone to Wander
27Scream Like a Banshee
30I Remember You

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Sunday and Feeling Better
March 19, 2017

So it's Sunday, and I'm feeling a bit more positive this morning.
I got some things done here in my two rooms, and I'm settling in a little more. Maybe life here won't be so bad.

I'm doing a hard-target search for a job. I NEED to get back to work. If for no other reason than my sanity. The money would be nice, too, of course. My husband doesn't seem too interested in giving me any money now that I'm away.
Out of sight, out of mind?
Yeah pal.....if you only knew.

I've wondered if I'm going to fall back into my former 'lifestyle' now that I'm back on familiar ground.
I certainly don't plan on it. I really have no desire to do any of that again.

But we all know what happens when I get lonely.

Of course, I've thought about Bill since being back up here. I know I could probably manage to run into him.
I also know he would probably ignore me. And I don't need that.
I also don't need to issues of returning to all of that.

I like to think I'm a Godly woman, and extra-marital affairs are NOT in God's plan for me. I think I need to focus more on that than on my own desires.

One thing though - Paul lives across the street from my in-laws. That's how I met him and his wife originally.
I have yet to see him.
But I'm sure he realizes I'm here. My car is outside, I've been in and out of this house numerous times - he has to know I'm here.

Not that it matters.
He was done with me even before I left.
And truth be told, I was done with him.
It's just going to be a little of a shock when I do see him outside.
We'll ignore each other, I'm sure, and I'm ok with that.
I just know that seeing him will remind me of so many things.

But being reminded may not be such a bad thing.
It may strengthen my resolve.

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