|Fact, Truth and No Fiction. Update Complete.|
May 14, 2018
Just this once, I will use my creative writing journal to repeat a statement (verbatim - but with small grammatical corrections -), that I made just over two years ago on my-diary.org ...
Reasserting "the courage to change" in order to change the things I find unacceptable.
"MY STORY IN FRAMES."
(written on Wednesday 10th February 2016. Posted @ 22:40 NZT)
This is the one and only time that I can manage to share small parts of my childhood here.
The "father" and "mother" who raised me are long gone from this world.
One died 17 years ago from suffocating in lung mucus and the other 13 years ägo from non-Hodgkins lymphoma. I provided palliative care for them both prior to death.
I was pre-teens and younger when the following happened.
[...this is still fucken hard...sorry...crying...fucken tired...finish it later...Dekker the baby cat is being clingy too...]
I'm back to finish this entry....I'm shaking...but I'll fucken get this done...]
Frame One :
The "mother" who raised me sexually abused me together with an older "stepbrother" as a grooming process for us to marry as adults. She had sex with us separately, then both of us together and made us have sex with each other. This went on for one year. I was junior school age, he nearly a teenager.
Frame Two :
The "mother" who raised me along with a female teenage "cousin" performed a hair cutting ritual on me before the age of eleven with a butcher knife. They sharpened it in front of me [...sorry, I crying...] and told me they were doing this ritual so I would always remain fat, black and ugly and only attract korophiles and paedophiles well into my adult life to keep raping me. This has happened. They took turns to cut jagged chunks off the length of my hair, then used scissors to tidy the ends, therefore covering their work up.
This teenage "cousin" and the "mother" who raised me had a sexual relationship prior to this "cousin" becoming a teenager and into her teenage years. Shortly after the hair cutting ritual, this teenage "cousin" raped me. This event began my descent into clinical depression.
Frame Three :
The "father" who raised me sexually abused me when I was still in nappies. I remember an incident clearly to this day and this happened when I was eighteen months old.
I caught him repeating this act with my daughter when she was a baby and so did three other church members while he was at church changing her nappies. One woman witness supported me through the process of informing on him. He was never prosecuted civilly. The local authorities of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints decided to put him through ecclesiastical court instead of civil court. It never stopped him from continuing to sexually abuse children.
[...my body is starting to feel all weak like jelly-o...]
Frame Four :
The "father" who raised me sold me to a paedophile ring, some of whom were members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and others from the outside local community. I was first sold at the age of six and this continued until I was thirteen. One LDS paedophile paid for and raped me brutally in an LDS chapel for just over six years on Sundays. I was barely groomed by him, it was full-on rape from the outset.
[...or is the correct word 'onset'?]
I also witnessed him taking other girls off alone with him on Sundays too. These Sundays when he was with other girls, he would leave me alone.
Frame Five :
The "father" and "mother" who raised me were physically, psychologically and emotionally violent and brutal. Not one of the five other "siblings" were spared from the brutality, however, the three oldest - me being one of them - got the worst and for the longest.
Frame Six :
The "father" and "mother" who raised me have gone to their graves with a dark, filthy secret about my birth origin. I am not of this family's bloodline.
Frame Seven :
The "father" and "mother" who raised me both sexually abused my daughter as a baby and child.
Frame Eight :
The "father" and "mother" who raised me were both LDS temple saints and over the years of my childhood and teenage years, our house saw quite a few children pass through it. I believe that they have both sexually abused an undetermined amount of children.
I do not know how many other Mormons have spoken out about sexual crimes to the level that I'm going to be doing it.
This is just the beginning.
I'm writing my story and I'm going to get it published.
There is such a thing as SERENDIPITY or "the randomness of fate."
A list of my resulting injuries to date :
* Psychiatric triple diagnosis :
1} MDD or major depressive disorder or clinical depression
2}BPD or borderline personality disorder
3}Schizoaffective disorder (I've been a voice-hearer for 25 years).
'Matakite' as the NZ Polynesian Maori refer to this state of being.
* Acute anxiety disorder.
* Alcoholic/Addict or polyaddicted.
* Diabetic (a result of long-term massive doses of Quetiapine.)
* Heart Condition (I live with two stents in an exterior wall artery).
* Head and body pain daily. It shifts around. Travelling pain.
* Vertigo. (new diagnosis).
* ME or myalgic encephalomyelitis or chronic tiredness disease (new diagnosis). Loving this one. I can sleep lots! Gotta have fun with some of this shit.
*INSOMNIA (yeahp...the Black Bitch that rides the night out...).