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My favorite word is "phenomenal" by Dean Atlas
 
July 2017
20% Cocaine
3out with the ass wipes
4poured
5stuck in a pit
7pbackspase agfain
8 never look
9breakfast joint
10super tired
11phenomenally complicated
12level 10 zen master
13internally and externally
14roller coaster of chaos
15slowly faded away
16total annihilation
17crash course
18ambidextrous
19hate being a human being
28inside me
30crazy bitches
31shit soup


December 2017
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December 2016

hate being a human being
July 19, 2017


I haven't officially quit my new job yet but it's only a couple of hours away. I truly detest washing dishes. I can't take it anymore. I literally could feel my soul being sucked out of me today. It was either let the last little parts inside of me die, or freak the fuck out and start breaking things. Luckily I only had a half an hour until I got off shift so I made it through it. I'm not sure if I can make it in the blue collar american machine anymore. If it wasn't for my son I would've cashed out awhile ago. I don't want to mess with his chances at a normal happy life. When I was heavy addict I would always get into deep conversations with whoever I was getting high with. Nine times out of ten they had experienced some form of severe childhood trauma. After awhile it was pretty easy to connect the dots to what causes addiction. I'm not going to be that scar for my son. But I really don't want to be a human anymore. I'm over it. We're awful creatures. I hate being a human being.
 
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