|Nothing is so perfectly amusing as a total change of ideas...|
October 7, 2008
One of the very many reasons my phones are remain most stubbornly turned-off, because I don't even want to risk any voicemails or messages is a recent extended family crisis that is raging here and there.
This family crisis, not too uncommon these days, is bouncing amongst several areas of political correctness, religion, and just flat-out self-righteousness. No one is spared, Catholic, Protestant, Democrat, Republican, old, young and in-between.
I don't wish to go into Texas laws and adoption procedures however, I will confess I know all about the various ways agencies contrive to use those laws to make Texas one of the most-adoption friendly states in the United States.
Nor will I ponder overlong or overloud as to the mysterious occurences in this family where females are unable to bear children or suffer from "secondary infertility" so needs must strive selfishly, no, wait, I mean, selflessy in the Right-to-Life and foster child programs.
To put it simply: Where is it written that white middle-to-upper-middle-class married couples are always the very bestest of parents?
Where? Show me where? I would love to ask. Straightfaced, politely, almost respectfully.
Trying to understand, I listen and listen and ponder: Sex education, accessible contraceptive techniques: BAD. Every single person in the world MUST only become sexual according to some vague maddening rules that change constantly.
Let's see...firstly, we MUST get through college, date for years and years, get all panicky as the thirties pass by, marry a "good" guy...how come this often means men that can be easily bossed around? Puzzling. Wait more years as we work ourselves through starter-homes, careers, and then begin trying to have children.
Oh, gee whiz....BIG SHOCK...it ain't so easy having babies when past thirty-five. Or forty. Oh my god...I forgot to have children? I'm confused.
Anyway, in Texas, many adoption agencies encourage birth mothers to list "UNKNOWN" on the orginial birth certificate (imagine what that sounds like...the poor little thing was messing around with so many boys and men she cannot remember or tell?), to lock the natural father completely out of the process. Hey, I hung out at some adoption agencies, (against my will) and there are several family members that make their living in this line of work. Private, Baptist, Church-of-Christ, Lutheran, and Catholic agencies. That get a LOT of tax money. But I digress.
Soooo, is it any surprise, that some of these men (and I'm sorry, a boy of twenty-nine is a MAN) insists on his rights, even though it takes almost eight months to get the DNA testing? And surprise surprise surprise! It's his baby, just as he bloody well insisted all along! This young man is employed (Air Force.) He's married. He has a lot of supportive loving family. I'm not sure at to the details of the conception...the birth mom was twenty-two, still in college...the father was NOT married at the time. There's a story there but no one is telling.
Technically, I am supposed to be on the side of Himself's cousin and her husband. She is well-educated (two Master's, spent all her twenties and most of her thirties meandering through three colleges, two in Canada and one here), pilot husband, one small child (can't have anymore. It's complicated. Way past thirty-two when one small child was born. Now she "wants" a BIG rowdy Catholic family...like the one her Mum was born into. (Her Mum is my husband's eldest (seventeen and half years elder) sister....six children in this family.
Long story short, they "foster" this baby as the birth mom makes up her mind. Birth mom is anxious to be back at school, "put this alllllll behind her." DUH. Natural father is kept totally in the dark, totally. It's only because his sister keeps up with BirthMom (and there's more to this story, I can feel it) she casually mentions the baby to her brother. Brother gets one tiny picture and sure enough...the baby really really really LOOKS like him. How can he tell? Well, he's BLACK. As they say, "Acceptably Black." The birth Mother is Hispanic-White.
Anyway, the father is outraged. He has a home, money, a good job, is stable, large extended family...shoot, his parents are still married to each other! They are not Catholic but we won't touch on that issue.
Am I in the 21st Century? The natural father does have rights once the baby is born. Case closed.
As I try to piece it together, I suspect, the birth mother met the birth father as a St. Mary's student in San Antone, he was stationed near there? Perhaps she was fully meant to tell the father but, well, her parents just kind of laid down some law to her...especially after finding out the father is black...even middle-class?
Ohhhh, I don't know. Just the agency is one I knew well from the church and Right-to-Life and Foster programs in Texas...on my side of the family, there are two family members in this line of work and more up here. My family up here have worked with "orphans" since the early 1900s and agencies since the forties. There are several family law specialists and all that too. Nevermind the ones that have worked tirelessly to achieve good sex education and accessible health care since, oh, gee, the 1930s...it's a family tradition. And there are still good orphanages that work with families as much as they can. Foster families that try hard to help parents make the best decisions for themselves and their babies and children.
Sooooo, anyway, the whole family is an uproar. The natural father is now the BEASTMAN. His biggest crime, I suspect, is having sex with someone outside of marriage! Really, Himself's family is sooooo Puritan it's eerie. They don't even approve much of sex after marriage, because and here I quote,"Keeps us away from God and his love." This is always being quoted to me...and sex without children...BIG BIG EVIL.
Now, I am simply not giving any opinions but I won't write letters to the judges. I don't agree that upper middle white people are the best parents and the part that makes me soooooo SICK is this:THESE PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THIS.
Oh sure, most of them look pretty good to outsiders and if you don't spend too much time with them. And as for the family Himself and his siblings grew up in: The whole time MeanOldMum was volunteering and toiling, well, her own family's life was a nightmare.
Myself, I've gotten into hot water with almost all of them because I don't EVER EVER EVER HIT a child of any age. I have stopped them from hitting their own children. Many times. At many ages. Literally, stepped between them and offending child.
Shall we speak of the lavish drinking that roars through all their lives and homes? No? Okay, at least it's not crystal Meth or cocaine or grass. If one is screaming and stomping around or smacking four year olds in the face, because you consumed four bottles of excellent wine with dinner and are now drinking Oatmeal Ale...well, it's happening in a McMansion with the very cutest of wreaths on the wide double but flimsy doors.
I have "children" that are wellgrown. At MY AGE. Looking back, and here I am truly NOT bragging, at seventeen I was/am a millions times better mother than lots and lots of people at thirty. Older even.
The adopted father is allright, driven in his career, and this is the hard hard part: He's NOT faithful, whatever that means. He plays the part, church, Marriage Encounter but he's a bit sneaky. I think he's a bit too rough with his natural daughter, unrealisitice about what small children are capable of and way too intent on having some sort of genius engineer child. (What is with this family and engineers? Left, right, engineers. Pilot guy has degrees in engineering but flying is his life. He keeps talking about his toddler daughter becoming some sort of brilliant engineer before the little thing has had a chance to discover what her talents and gifts and weaknessess are. Himself's cousin is terrible with math and science and can barely manage her household accounts...what if little Madison is like her Mum? He stomps around lecturing about how none of this "Girly-girl" business and won't allow the little thing to own one Hannah Montanna doll or anything. (God, just like the whole HelloKitty thing this family has.)
Anyway, I said some fairly "Oh, that's rough yet, the natural father does have rights." Wow. Probably won't do that again.
But I'm not writing any judges either.