July 22, 2004
Hot and muggy today. Nice day to be at work...it's air conditioned! And it was a pretty quiet day, too, which was a nice change from the crazy days we've had lately.
First thing Tonia said to me when i came in today (after "Good Morning") was: "Is there any way you could possibly work tomorrow afternoon from 2-6:15? you're my absolute last hope."
Well, how could i refuse? H'll be out of town, and though i'd planned to go to the gym, and do laundry, i really couldn't come up with any reason why i couldn't work. So i agreed.
When i got home from work, H informed me that the counselor (whom he saw this morning), had a cancellation tomorrow at 3pm if i were interested. I was actually glad i could tell him "No, i can't."
I'd like to read Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay before i see the counselor. Maybe even talk to a lawyer...or at least get copies of financial stuff together (assuming i can find things, and can tell what's pertinent and what's not)
H pissed me off this evening. He "fixed" the toilet while i was away, by replacing the flap in the tank. He says he did it himself...but knowing how "handy" (NOT) that he is(n't), i wonder if his g/f did it.
Anyway, the water keeps running because the flap isn't sitting properly. So tonight (never mind that it's been running all week long and he's been home), he starts getting pissy about it (hahaha..pissy about the toilet. LOL). He starts bitching that he's going to have a $500 water bill and says something to the effect that I should do something about it!
I walked into the bathroom (to use it), and there's a post-it note stuck to the back of the tank: "Please get this fixed"
If he has time and money to go screw his g/f...he has time and money to hire a plumber. I didn't PUT the flap in, and i'm NOT responsible for fixing it. Nor am i a plumber (though for the past 16 years, i've been the one to fix it as long as it was a minor repair...loose chain, broken handle, etc)
I tossed the note down the toilet and flushed it. I got the flap to stop leaking (just wiggled it into place), but if it starts leaking again, then he can fucking well get it fixed when he's home.
I mean, really...there IS a limit. And he's exceeded it. Many times over.
If he wants (as he claims) to work things out, he's doing a pretty lousy job of it. And an even lousier job of convincing me he even wants to. I think his idea of "working things out", is having things just as they are.
Hate to tell him this...but that's not good enough. I might've put up with all his other crap: the rages, the blaming, the screaming, the ignoring, the lack of affection, etc for all these years....but if he thinks he's going to keep treating me like that AND keep his whore on the side....he's got another thing coming.
He may be going to counseling to assuage his guilt, or justify his affair, or whatever....but if he thinks i'm going to go just so i can be convinced he's "right"...well, he's dead wrong on that.
I know i'm not entirely innocent...i had my relationship with L. But i never brought it home, i never flaunted it, and i never let it interfere with how i treated H. Well, to be fair, H isn't treating me any differently now, either....which is part of the problem...he should be treating me differently....like with a little more respect and concern, perhaps. Oh well, not likely to happen.
Karen suggested i "accidently" erase his entire computer hard drive while he's away. It was a good thought. But i'll refrain. (maybe)