June 12, 2012
Email Monday that my brother was in the hospital. Long story short he has to decide if he will have by-pass or not. Kind of out of the blue. I will go up to Michigan this weekend to see him. I love this brother. He and I developed a relationship later in life. I have written about him here a few times. He is important to me. I am scared for him. I don't want to lose him. Wish I could go up tonight but with the business I just can't walk away when I feel like it. I have someone working Saturday so I will go up then.
I have lots of work to keep me busy today. That is good. I need to keep my mind off the things he is going through. Just makes it harder not to be there. He is a good man. One of the best I have known. I have a lot of respect for him.
So I will keep him in my prayers and hope for the best......
There are changes I need to make. I can feel them but still have no words for them. I get little flashes of them from time to time this week. Bits and pieces of the puzzle. Parts of why I am feeling like I am. I had a dream this morning about Pam and saw her with her new boyfriend. I felt happy for her and hoped it worked out well for her. It makes me feel good that I feel that for her. The hard part is that I also feel she needs to be punished for her treatment of our son..........take that a step further and it is really that I want people like this punished for what happened to me not my son. He has adjusted for the most part. He will have more to deal with as life goes on but I think he is at peace with the majority of it. I have my part to do now. Bring that part of the past into the light and take the energy from it. See it for what it is. A child hurt because he could do nothing about it. Not the person that exists today.....at least that is what it seems to be when I look and listen to all the crap I am seeing, feeling and hearing in my head this week.....UGH!!! what a pain.
On a positive note I had a good work out this morning, made a great breakfast, having a wonderful cup of coffee and feel pretty good in spite of it all.
Please say a prayer, send good thoughts, chant or what ever you do to center yourself to my brother Mark. No matter what happens he lived his life on his terms. He slayed his dragons and helped more people then I can count......thanks
Things I am thankful for:
Going to see my brother
My family is keeping me informed about his condition
One way or another this will be over soon