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I guess I have to grow up. by khh6
 
July 2012
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7/9/12
July 9, 2012

Feeling: anxious



Saturday I had another session with my therapist. It was okay. Not really production with one exception. Not a big deal but helpful. I don't think I will go back for a while if at all with this guy. He is, I am sure, good for some people but for me I think if I go back I will have to find someone else.

Time to let the past go. The things that happened to my son need to be put to rest for me. I see it is for him as much as it will be. He will deal with things from time to time. Me? It is time to just stop thinking about it. Stop looking for the affects of it on my son. He is an adult. I will help him if asked. Now I can let my own anger go and free myself from this mess. This means just not thinking about it and anything to do with it. When it crosses my mind just think of something else. Sounds simple but takes time.

On Sunday I received an email from my sister filling me in on my brother. He is still in ICU but things are beginning to move forward. He is very weak and that is to be expected. His kidneys are still functioning. I don't think well enough to keep his blood clean but at least they are still working. NG tube out and he is drinking clear liquids. So.......good news and a long way to go.

Son told me if I need help he will take FLMA leave and come here to help me. That was nice to hear. Legs are weak. Pain is same. Just keeping an eye on them. This week the goal is to join the other gym and next week get started back with my workouts.

Spent Sunday doing nothing other then the usual stuff. Shopping, laundry, some work around the shop. It was a good weekend.

I talked to the therapist about the amount of time I spend alone. I have felt uneasy about it from time to time. Like maybe there is something wrong with me. Thing is I like it. I will be sitting on the couch in my underwear and the thought will cross my mind that I really enjoy this. My place. My freedom. Not trying to meet anyone's expectations but my own. Inside I like it. I see friends and go out but not a lot. Couple times a week. I talk to people and they come to see me. I stay in contact with my son a couple times a week. Not like I don't talk to anyone. Still I was a little concerned that I not withdraw from everyone. I came to the conclusion that it is fine. I like my life and there is nothing wrong with the time I spend alone. Just who I am and what I need.

Things I am thankful for:

Cooler day today

Talked to son over weekend

Summer
 
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