April 15, 2016
what surprised me today?
~~~LEAVES!! on the trees right beside la casita in our parking lot here. and again at the grocery store! real, live, green leaves!!! tiny, but still, leaves!!
~~~my response to ch's message where she was expressing her anxiety over returning to work and having to leave e at daycare. I absolutely couldn't do this as a new mom. and I have been so worried about her ability to do so too. but today I truthfully saw this from a totally new perspective. because she HAS to go back to work. and this past weekend when I saw how little e loved all the care and attention from all of us I began to think there are benefits in a kibbutz. in a shared care situation. and the day care they are going to use is one they already feel very comfortable using. so I tried to point those aspects out for her to consider too. and the other thing I was surprised by was the peace I felt in not rushing in to solve that issue. because I know i'd be so miserable trying to solve it. i'd LOVE my time with e. but I don't think i'd feel so comfortable navigating those care issues with b particularly and I think it would be hard on ch too to have me involved if conflicts arose. so yeah, surprised by this new never experienced before peaceful feeling about this situation. happy for me but still concerned for ch because I KNOW for her this is still going to be so incredibly hard, stressful and depressing.
~~~how kind everyone here has been and seemingly honestly sad that we are leaving. we've come to know the hotel staff here and while we've been here there have been a lot of changes and a good deal of stress for the workers. it feels like a little neighborhood for us now more so than a hotel room.
~~~~the thoughtful responses to my good morning post on fb.
~~~~~~sketches and paintings and drawings on instagram feed. I really need to start drawing something every day!
~~~~~~~~colin's book. standardized life vs. creating your own. must take notes!