Today is December 18, 2017
  Join Now! | Home | Sign in | FAQ | Help
Racontuese by Lovely Assistant
 
December 2017
7where I belong
11another one for the books


December 2017
November 2017
October 2017
September 2017
August 2017
July 2017
June 2017
May 2017
April 2017
March 2017
February 2017
January 2017
December 2016
November 2016
October 2016
September 2016
August 2016
July 2016
June 2016
May 2016
April 2016
March 2016
February 2016
January 2016
December 2015
November 2015
October 2015
September 2015
August 2015
July 2015
June 2015
May 2015
April 2015
March 2015
February 2015
January 2015
December 2014
November 2014
October 2014
September 2014
August 2014
July 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
February 2014
January 2014
December 2013
November 2013
October 2013
September 2013
August 2013
July 2013
June 2013
May 2013
April 2013
March 2013
February 2013
January 2013
December 2012
November 2012
October 2012
September 2012
August 2012
July 2012
June 2012
May 2012
April 2012
March 2012
February 2012
January 2012
December 2011
November 2011
October 2011
September 2011
August 2011
July 2011
June 2011
May 2011
April 2011
March 2011
February 2011
January 2011
December 2010
November 2010
October 2010
September 2010
August 2010
July 2010
June 2010
May 2010
April 2010
March 2010
February 2010
January 2010
December 2009
November 2009
October 2009
September 2009
August 2009
July 2009
June 2009
May 2009
April 2009
March 2009
February 2009
January 2009
December 2008
November 2008
October 2008
September 2008
August 2008
July 2008
June 2008
May 2008
April 2008
March 2008
February 2008
January 2008
December 2007
November 2007
October 2007
September 2007
August 2007
July 2007
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
December 2005
November 2005
October 2005
September 2005
August 2005
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004

where I belong
December 7, 2017

Had she lived, today would have been my maternal grandmother's 95th birthday. She died some time ago after developing Lou Gehrig's Disease. It affected her speech first, then slowly, the paralysis spread. Damn stubborn woman wouldn't learn sign; she wrote a ton of notes...to everyone. She taught me to sew and bake. Well, both grandmothers did. Both of them were tough women. My mom...not so much. I think about the lives they all lived; how they got by, their daily lives, and the things which brought them joy. I now wish I had known them all better.

Yesterday, was the last day of classes for this semester. As always, it was bittersweet. Holy ha-le-fuckin-lu-ya it's over, and wow, after the final, I won't ever see some of these people again coupled with the ones I will see should be safe on the break so they come back to me. Somehow, it makes me think of Noah releasing a dove from the ark and awaiting its return. And I have to admit, there are some I hope I don't see again, as they were thorns in my side, they just do not belong in college.

Some kids don't. They aren't ready, or their calling lies elsewhere and as an empath, I usually sense that. Sometimes I say so, other times, it's not my place.

I develop my favorites along the way. Kids who can take a joke, are on the margins, the sarcastic-out-of-the-box thinkers: who chooses Quentin Tarantino for a profile essay? Who writes haiku about mosh pits, or a love letter to pasta, turns Sam Elliot into a meme, or carefully outlines how Hamlet was the original fuck boi?

Picked up from my old pal, Dr. Ham, I call my students scholars. I loved that he did so, it made me feel more than the average Schmo. I also make my entrance with "Greetings, Homies!"

There's this hokey thing going around about teachers touching the future, but OMG is it true. In some tiny way, I impact the outcome of this person presented to me some by the luck of the draw and some by choice. They grow up around me, in front of me, because of and in spite of me. It's an honor I do not take lightly, and I've written about it before. I know I've been chosen as a transitional guide.

In true fashion, I did the 'nice card' exchange. I came up with the idea years ago, but here's the gist. Each person gets an index card and writes their name on it. In a circle, we pass the cards and each person writes a nice comment to the owner. It can be as simple as 'I like your smile' to 'You're a chill MFer' (yes, this happened!) But here's why I do it. I say as I hold up the cards from years past:

"See these? (drops them one by one on table) You can do whatever you want to with your card, but here's why I keep mine. Ever have a suck-shit day where you feel like nothing you do or say matters? Where you feel like the world is out to get you, you're not good enough, and you don't belong? I do. I do, and I know you do too. When I feel like that, I pull out these cards, and I read them. I read these comments that my students/friends have made about me, and I know I am so much more than how I am feeling. I belong. I am enough. I matter, and you do too. Do what you want with yours, but I have what you said about me, and you have what I said about you." Then I usually say, "Good luck with your finals!" Before the mood gets too heavy and deep.

I know it makes a lasting impression when you get photos sent to you by students who still have their cards: one from a kid, still in Afghanistan, Scuba Steve, who keeps his taped inside his footlocker. I wrote on his card, 'I love your go-get-'em attitude.' (see aforementioned note about the Sam Elliot meme)

From and for the class president, editor of the uni's newspaper, the uni's mascot, all of the sports ball players, cheerleaders, artists, scientists, activists, poets, musicians, the freaks, the geeks, the mommies, daddies, the kids struggling to figure out who and what they are, thank you.

Blessed be~

My beating heart
 
Login to select
your favorite journals

PrevTopNext
 
 

Visit my Forum

© Website Copyright 2017 by My-Journal.com
© Journal Content Copyright 2017 by the Author
 
Terms of Service Agreement
 
Privacy Policy