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Refocusing / Waiting Without Waiting
December 4, 2008
Thursday.
I got 90% as my final grade in Anatomy & Physiology Lab!!! I pulled a fucking A out of my ass after that 64%! Rock on!!! The lab is worth 30 points towards my final grade so I've got 27 points, I just need 63 points from the class and as it stands right now I have 62 points. I just need another 1 more points to get my A for the class!!!
I think I can, I think I can... 
I'm more concerned about the classes I've thought were EASY this semester because so many points are outstanding still and Friday is the last class day.
I have TWO exams left in Food Production, one is today, the cumulative final next week - accounting for like 35% of my grade. UGH!
I also have an exam in Nutrition Education and I haven't READ the freaking book. It is pretty easy stuff though. I know the basics of nutrition and I know communication and leadership and presenting and interviewing from my life experience. Plus she's doing a one hour review today just before the "final" this afternoon.
After today though, I just have finals week to get through and it shouldn't be too hard!
Either way, after today, It's smooth sailing. 
I'm about to get ready and head to campus three hours before my first exam to CRAM for those three hours. Then exam, then review, then exam, then (woohoo) dinner with Dave the Bear Man!
What's that you say?
Paul? Paul who?
(No, I'm not quite there yet... but perspective has returned. Still... I really really hope he texts me today!)
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Okay, see, I hate the set up of the 20 texts a day spanning the ENTIRE day thing and then getting NONE for nearly two days... doesn't anyone else understand precedents?!?!? Sheesh.
Still no word.
So, I wait without waiting. Which means I go about living my life and keep him pushed to the back of my mind.
I am seriously to the point that I am on the verge of texcting him and saying (ranging from bitchy to nonchalant to slutty):
1. Seriously?
2. What the hell?
3. We done already?
4. I didn't realize that was my one and only chance...
5. Are you okay?
6. Hope you did great on the fireman test!
7. How goes it?
8. Hi
9. Wanna make out?
10. Wanna make out? Bring condoms...
11. I noticed something in your pants that warrants further exploration...
12. Let's fuck
Suggestions welcome.
See, I do indeed want to pursue that substantial hardness and IF he isn't relationship material, which it is looking more and more like, then I am FINE with just a good fuck with someone I WANT to fuck just because I find them HOT.
I'm okay with that. I would be happy, IF he isn't boyfriend material, to take my fuck and move on.
BUT... I wait. The way I see it, it's still his move right now. We have plans tomorrow morning at 10:30ish. Whether or not he contacts me will be very telling (duh).
If he does, then I act as if I didn't even notice he hadn't been in touch because, dahlin', I've been SO terribly busy... you hadn't called? Oh, yes, well my goodness, we DO have plans in an hour... I had nearly forgotten... of course I can still make it, see you then.
And if he doesn't, well that's all I need to know and that's when I'll make it clear that if he's up for a little one-time (or occasional) fun, I'm down for that.
In the meantime...
I took two exams today.
I got a solid A in Food Production.
I got a C (70%) in Nutrition Education. From talking to the other students who took the exam on Tuesday, I learned that even doing all the reading and the review questions and studying and going to her pre-exam review made NO difference because the exam was so out there! So, I stopped stressing and spent the break between classes talking to my new friends. It was a 15 point exam and everyone I talked to got between a 9-11 points. I got 10.5. Whatever. I think I will still get an A for the class and that is what really matters!
Now... I think I'll go shopping and see if I can find a cute dress for the Xmas party I'm going to on Friday night.
And I have to find a cute outfit for tonight since I'm seeing Dave the Bear Man downtown and he's invited me to go to his conference's dinner and then out for a drink afterwards. I like to schmooze and want to look tip-top, so I'm off!
See, I'm still living my life... so what if every other thought is a big ole pout about Panera Paul?
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Oh, the other thing I thought is perhaps this is a test of sorts to see how I react... will I be clingy, bitchy, stalkerish, or just chill about him not contacting me...
BUT
I WIN!!!
HE JUST TEXTED ME!!!
Yeah, it's 4pm and he sent, "Hi limiting texts so you don't go over" because we joked about me needing to upgrade to unlimited texting...
Huh. Not sure I believe that but whatever.
And NO I will not respond right away.
A girl IS busy after all...
But *DANCING* he texted me!!!!!
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You are The Empress
Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.
The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.
The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.
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