Because... by biggmamaz
February 2005
1One and the Same...
2He Came....
3Quiet Days....Bellering Nights's past midnight./STAT!/My Reminder
5As long and as far as..../...Stranger...Logic
6Her Tension Mounts
7Allowing me to Cumm
8Some Action
13Perceptions of Future Generations
14...maybe i care too much...
15My Body Aches for Him, Again!
16Pooh Tang/Animal Instinct
17Bastards Galore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!/New Site...
19...Again, Fallen Prey?/Come True/Fine Thread-Without Knot
20...Vivid Memories/...Precious...
21nothin' but VOID
22Surfing/Riding High...
24Mind Set/...later/Promises of Utmost Urgency!
25I will Never/I Learned/Over Excited!!!!!
26Hope/Day of Sabbath
27An Untouchable/...Dark Side/School Marm Type
An Untouchable/...Dark Side/School Marm Type
February 27, 2005

As I sit here pondering about whatever is it that I want...I am rendered silent. There is so much that I've already had, later, to discover that that did not bring eternal satisfaction. I think I thought my kids would need me forever. They don't. I raised them, unlike myself, to be free spirits. They are.

Everyone I know is free to come and go, as he pleases. I am not. There's this, I don't know, inbred thing that I always have to do the right thing. No matter how wrongly I may feel about it...that the other person is really undeserving, I inevitably do the "right thing". Then, having obtained their goal, like with my family, I am forgotten...until the next time there's a dilemma and/or need. I am missing something.

I thought Young Dom was different. He is not. I am missing something. I feel the void most when I try to think of him. Evidently, he has lied to me too. But, todays horoscope for tomorrow recommends that I turn anger, instead, into passion! Right, but with whom?

I have many 'friends' on line, but I do not want to be an internet whore. Being a Cybor Slut, only for my Young Dom, was terrific! But, now I know that it was not I that grew old, but, rather, His Need for it did. I don't think I'll ever be able to totally accept that concept either, because...

We, on computers are the angels that our parents torahs, bibles, spiritual gospel books speak of. We reach thousands around the world via our lines and satellites. We are all guided by the Highest. We can either "be good" or "be evil". We all seem to be reaching out for happiness, trust, love, recognition, acceptance, ourselves intermingling with everyone's desires. Sometimes, we become so universal that our computers crash! But, we do not! Somehow, we are near instantly blessed with another. Even, I, have a 'backup' computer now.

What does this all mean? My interpretation is, that, my purpose is to fill voids of others who would otherwise be reclusives. I want to fill their voids, which in turn diminishes mine. I want to eternally be needed. But, not worshipped, as that would then make me an untouchable. Which is where I'm at right untouchable.

I have an undying need to learn. Perhaps Young Dom has exhausted his domain. He did say he was tired when last we spoke...And, I was beginning to think that he was having me to listen to a recording of his voice...too bad, I didn't. I swear, his instructions bring total bliss! An inner peace that I actually feel. One that makes me think that He is more than one of us angels of mercy, He is a me! I am grateful that He shared His Wisdom and Works with me. I regret that I was not permitted to write of Our Encounters, behind Our Closed Door.

I pray that he has not become a reclusive, because...
I am a reflection of His Works. Only He, can reach and touch me to bring me realization that I am human. I need his approval to continue. This is strange, because, I am a woman, an untouchable, who's purpose is to otherwise lead others to a degree that they are an expert within our work areas. I am otherwise an independent who can not be bought.

A soul who's greatest satisfaction is derived from problem solving with positive outcomes. Young Dom, is Your Work with me, too extensive to complete? Haven't 15 days rest been enough? How long is my leash? i'm becoming entangled with it.....please help me from no longer being capable of reaching out for you, as my arms are tightly secured, behind my back...only You are capable of unwinding this tight leash, because....i am otherwise An Untouchable, A Reclusive...

So, she has a Dark Side... (8 Views)


biggmamaz, 52 F
(69 Articles, Score 17)

So, she has a dark side...
Being woo'd by a lover supreme
He is never demanding
But always capable of commanding
Her lustful thoughts
Only to Him, that they be brought

She has a dark side
Being woo'd by a Lover Supreme
Being brought to a new way of life
Being lustful with minimal strife
Being true sharing his desires
Being enflamed with His Words hot as fire
Being heated beyond temperatures of infinity
Keeping of utmost privacy
Behind closed doors

Her screams of ectacy, crying for more
Escape, being heard beyond the closed door
Her wants, her fulfillments, her joys scream
Being woo'd by Her Lover Supreme
She has a dark side
Maintaining privacy, she need no longer hide
Being woo'd by her Lover Supreme
Being left only after He see's... she's serene

well, is that a bunch of malarchy, or what? He, like in Gone with the Wind...just doesn't give a happy damn. I'm crushed. Never will I love, again! Never will I ever have a desire to express...anything! I am returning to being a school marm type.
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