February 1, 2009
Ok so I set up a profile on a online dating site. I have the profile set for non-searchable so that every tom, dick or horny harry can't send me messages. So the only way someone can see my profile is if I click on their profile. I have clicked on two. One was a nice looking guy but a little to religious for me. I am more of the spiritual type not main stream religion. So after reading his profile I hoped he would not message me. He did not but he did look at my profile. The other was a really HOT guy. 6'3" (I can wear heels and still be small), dark hair, blue eyes and a nice muscular body. He likes reading, music, movies and a sense of humor. Cool. He has kid but it does not live with him...again cool. Don't get me wrong I love kids and they love me but with mine nearly out of the house I have no desire to be a substitute mommy. If I wanted more kids I would have had them myself years ago. My time is almost here and damn it I don't care if it sounds selfish. He is 33 (ok right at my cut off age for "relationship" material. He lives with room mates...ok not ideal but I am not about to judge. If he lives with 5 other guys in a 3 bedroom house we have problems but if it is one other room mate I can understand that, totally. He is emplyed full time in the construction field. I could care less what they do as long as they do it full time, make enough to pay their bills and it's legal. Anyways I was hoping this dude would at least take a look at my profile and maybe show a little interest. Well he did! Woohoo he thinks my profile was interesting. Trust me it is not. I re-read the thing and was like WTF? "I" am not coming across here. None the less he thought something was interesting and sent me a message. So I sent him a message back. So we will see what happens next. This is weird for me. I mean yeah I have had the occasional booty call boy, Tom and even a date or two with a guy I used to go to high school with. Oh and the thing that ended before it started with Band guy but those were different. Those are people I either knew before,met through a friend or was just short term booty call so we both knew what we wanted from it and what we were expected give. This meeting new people and potentially dating is weird and honestly a bit scary. It has been awhile since I felt the sting of rejection and no one wants or is ready for that but at least I am at a point now with my life and myself that I know I can more than handle it with grace and dignity. It's a risk that I have not taken in quite sometime because the rejection I felt in my marriage was more than enough to fill me up and damage me...I'm over it now though so time to move forward in this area. The beatuy of it is that it is still under my control (on some level) because of how I am easing into it and it is at my pace not my friends or family who thought I should have moved on a long time ago. I'm ready now. A little scared and nervous but ready.