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Mine, All Mine by chi3nne
February 2009

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February 25, 2009

The boy drama's go on...whatever! I say whatever like I just don't care but I do, very much.

Tom called me yesterday morning to see if he could come out to bring me the Girl Scout cookies I ordered from a buddy of his at work. So I said sure. As far as I know and am concerned nothing has changed in out our "relationship". I used the option to go out with someone else and I had to tell him because he asked the right question. So he came over and very long story short he begged me to commit to him, swore he would change his bad habits blah blah blah. I explained if he wanted to make changes he should but not because he is getting me in return. Same conversation we have had 49827438 million times but this time he feels the heat. I feel awful. I cried (even though I fought it hard). It was a long exhausting and emotional conversation. In the end I refused to give in to him and he is nto sure if he can date me while I am free to date others because "he is in love with me and would constantly be thinking about what I was doing and who I was with" if I was not with him. I get that. So I demanded he step back for a week or two, remove himself from it for a bit and try to figure out what he wanted for himself and how he was going to go about his life...then he can maybe figure out what he can and cannot do in regards to me. I am exhausted, I did not sleep well. This just sucks! I have a feeling I will be losing my best friend.

Yummy called last night but I did not take his call. I was in the middle of crying. I did call him back later. It was decent conversation. He sensed something was off but I told him it was not something I wanted to discuss with him at the moment. I think that would just be rude and disrespectful to Tom to be blabbing about our private conversation and interactions to another guy I am dating. Just like I would not share those thing with Tom about Yummy. Yummy, said he understood but he was willing listen if needed. I appreciate it but I don't him to be that person in this situation. He did tell me that Monday night when he went to spend time with his daughter his ex and he ended up having a "interesting yet uncomfortable conversation". Basically she made it very clear (w/o actually saying it) that she would be interested in trying to work things out between them. I totally saw this coming so no big shocker for me. I simply asked him how he felt about that and that he did not have to share but if he did he certainly did not have to lie. He told did share and I can only assume he did not lie. He told me that she or he would need to be a completely different person in order for it to work. He said he will always love her in a platonic way but he was not in love with her and had not been for some time. There was no romantic love or even attraction to build off at that this point. It had hit the point of no return. We will see. He might come over tonight but again...we will see.
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