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Mine, All Mine by chi3nne
October 2012

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Life Slows for a half second...
October 28, 2012

I finally have a quiet moment alone so I decided that on this quiet, calm and tranquil Sunday morning that I would catch up with my friends at MJ. I wanted to share some news with those that might care (I really do not bother with Face Book anymore) and I am astounded and saddened by news of Stefan's passing. I have loved reading his entries as well as his comments in forums. His presence here was a gift and will be missed.

Life for me has been busy but alot of it is a good busy. Making time for loved ones and myself. Work has been busy also but in order to keep balance I have had to not let it leave me drained. I have been going to exercise classes, the gym and even belly dancing (Yeah I know funny but also fun). Went to Bill Cosby last week and do something with someone other than Jason at least once a week.

Jason and I still going and while being in a relationship with someone with Adult ADD is challenging however, he has now been in therapy for three months and while therapy is not instant it is helping him and thus us. I do not doubt he loves me what has been the issue is the ADD and how that effects the relationship because it is so much more than just being inattentive. So all in all that is going well. I will say I have never had a man who wants me to be happy and feel loved and safe in a relationship more than him. The work he is willing to put in on himself in order to make certain I get those things in the relationship, consistently is an incredible act of love. Even when the ex husband went off to drug re-hab it was as it should have been for him but when he came back it was also about him and he picked up the wine glass and pot pipe with no regard to me or our family.

I, Unfortunately have learned some hard lessons in regards to "loved ones" over the last year. My best friend let jealousy, pettiness and a false sense of entitlement cause her to betray, lie and then be unaccountable for her own actions. I let that relationship go for obvious reasons. I have not spoken to my biological mother since last January. If anyone recalls she and her dying husband were going to be homeless a few years back because my sister who rented to them failed to make her mortgage payments with that rent that was paid to her. Foreclosure and out. No one would take them in (for good reason, I blame no one for their decision). I had means and opportunity so I bought them a cute little trailer in a cute little park about 45 mins. from here. All they had to pay was their car payment, lot rent and other living expenses. Sadly my mothers husband died a few months after settling in. Long story short no one would pay for his cremation, there was not life I did. I proceeded to help my mom get set up with health insurance, go with her to doctors appointments, buy her a car because the other one was in her dead husbands name and she could not register it nor could she refinance because of her shitty credit. I helped her with her bills etc. etc. and went over there every week for dinner in the middle of the week. Made a point of pressuring my other family members to make some time for her and did things with her and for her. Long story Grandmother died last December and because I was in no shape to get up and speak with my mother by my side and the fact that she would not take no as an answer from me she was forced to take it from Jason. Her attention getting dog and pony show was thwarted. She became a bitter angry bitch from that moment on and went as far as manipulating the above mentioned best friend into her clutches and petty games. My brother has little to do with her in years. Both of my older nieces have chosen to do the same because of similar stunts she has played between them and their friends. My sister in law has not had much to do with her for years as well. She moved last May, not paying her lot rent for the last three months. I gave the trailer to my niece who is has a 5 year old and is working her butt off. My mom went around telling the neighbors she had a drug dealer for a boyfriend (lie) and all sorts of other lies about her. It was difficult to get her accepted at the park because of my mothers lies. But I co-signed and vouched for them for the first year. All has been going well. They have fixed up the place even more than I had and are grateful for the stepping stone up to home ownership.

Kiddo is doing FANTASTIC! He is back in school full time, this is his second semester. He made deans list last semester and seems to be on mark to do it again this one. He just got a new job at Best Buy and is loving it. He is excited about the possible opportunities within the company and thrilled they are so willing to work with his schedule. A couple months ago he and I went shopping for engagement rings =) Last saturday he took Girl's father out for dinner and asked permission to propose to his daughter. He got the big thumbs up. So last night after the Badger football game he stopped in the middle of a street in a small town in WI, at the place where they had their first date (a festival)2 years and 7 months ago, and asked Girl to marry him! Of course she said yes because they have talked about their future. The then drove to meet the Ex and I for dinner. I am so happy for him. His life is finally on a track of his own choosing and work versus the path of just coasting and reacting. She is a wonderful girl, I love her. She goes to school full time and works part time at a coffee shop as well as sells Pure Romance and she does not do anything half ass. He employer LOVES her, she has PR parties at least once a week and her GPA is always between a 3.0 and 3.5. She gets little financial help from her parents and while Kiddo was out of work for 2 months (he had to quiet because of location transfer, too far) she picked up the slack. She loves him despite his faults and past mistakes. She is good for him as he is for her. I could not be happier and am honored that my son has involved me so much in the process and that she wants my help with wedding stuff. They will not be getting married until she is done with school and has a job, at least two years.

So that is my life at the moment. Despite personal loss I am happy, content and life is what u make of it and I choose fulfilled and positive.
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