June 9, 2014
today 15 years ago I was sitting at my computer babbling away - begging for a guy I just had sex with 5 days prior to be my boyfriend. So effing uncool.
ironically myles has been on my mind a lot lately
is it because my wedding is immanent? I'm gonna go with yes.
Mike and I will celebrate our 9 years together next week and four days later I will be his wife.
He means the absolute world to me.
Our life is good.
Yes I barely help with stuff, and he's mad at me more then I'd like to admit but I love him.
If I go back and read - there are so many entries about how unhappy I was.
In reality - I wasn't ever. I was unhappy with myself - I didn't and don't know still how to be a good partner. Equal opportunity. etc.
I feel like I will eventually let him down.
It scares me
I don't want to be one of those couples that were together forever and then get married only to divorce in a year.
all of our friends and family will be there that we want to share our special day with.
I wish my grandparents would be there - I wish my family wasn't at odds- and I could invite everyone...
Myles and I were going to get married sometime around 2004-2005 if we had of stayed together, in fact it was a running joke with the taylor family we were next.
I would have invited them all
now I don't talk to any of them.
our family is so torn.
everything is so messed up.
there is some sort of drama involving my wedding but I don't care. It has nothing to do with me, I don't talk to that side of the family anymore - and I won't ever talk to them again. What's done is Done. and it was made very clear in 2011 after I had Julia we were all done with each other.
I have no time for anyone who doesn't really want to be in my life.