|The Fourth Circle|
July 14, 2004
Inquired, "Master, I wish I knew
Who these shades were, and whether all those
With tonsures whom we view
On our left were clergy." And he: " These are shadows
Whose minds in their first life were so myopic
That their spending was either stingy or grandiose.
Their voices clearly bark out how uneconomic
They were, as you can hear when they reach that pair
Of points where the one guilt confronts its diametric
The Inferno of Dante Alighieri
A Rhymed Translation by Seth Zimmerman
Itís funny since I have been here at Satanís: I havenít been stressed out. I havenít been depressed. I havenít been neglecting myself. Iíve felt very serene and focused on the moment. Iíve enjoyed everything I have done as an experience to help re-engage myself into living. I mean even the simple chores havenít bothered me Ė although I could do without scooping the kitty box. Satanís cat, Badcat is one foul little fucker! Hell, I have even been enjoying my commute, which is good since itís now twice as far. I have even been more focused and engaged at work. All of this is the result of being away from the kids? I guess it definitely points out which path to follow.
I canít say that everything has gone well. I nearly fucked up my car yesterday and today because my mind was elsewhere. Todayís episode was definitely the more serious with my jumping of a curb in my company parking lot. Iím hoping that I didnít do any serious damage as none is visible. But if there is, I will deal with it. I wonít get all worked up by it and stress myself. I canít say the same if I were at home.
Iíve been enjoying this solitude so much that I am loath to end it. I have two separate events on Saturday and they partially overlap. One is my D&D group, who I have seen since April or May. Second is the book club, which I havenít been to since March or thereabouts. I really should go to one or both of them. Iím getting too comfortable with being a hermit and I need to break out of that mold once and for all. However, it would really be nice to just putter around here and take it easy. I have 7 new movies to watch and I could whip up something good on the grill. Plus, the D&D session would involve a 100+ mile roundtrip and I havenít finished the selection for this book club meeting. Itís a minor dilemma but one I need to solve by tomorrow evening. I should let my respective hosts know whether or not I will be attending.
Of course, Mother Nature may make any decision of mine mute. Iím feeling kind of run down, my throat is a little scratchy, and I have a headache and some sniffles. Iím afraid that I might be getting sick. I havenít had anything significant for awhile Ė and sadly, thatís just not normal for me. Of course, a relatively positive state of mind isnít normal for me and I have pretty much had one since May give or take a few down spots. Maybe the body has been trying to follow the mind Ė but now, itís being perverse.