September 25, 2004
We're getting a slow start this morning. I wasn't able to settle until after 2 this morning and Satan's been up since then with a killer headache. I guess that it is a good thing that we don't have any shifts this morning or the rest of the day for that matter. We can go when we want and take in the festival as we are wont to do.
I know it seems silly, but I am looking forward to a rather quiet day. I want to wander the various merchants, eat greasy fest food and listen to a few of the many bands. I also want to take some time so I can do a little thinking and writing. I'm hoping to feed of the energy that is sure to be present because of the crowd. I'd enjoy either coming up with some new fiction, or some journaling with a little depth for a change. I've grown weary of the shallow end of the creative pool.
I didn't work as much last night as I thought I would. If anything we were over-staffed because quarters got rather tight at times. There was a young lady, Naomi, who was flirting outrageously with everyone including me, which rather shocked me. She has a rather Rubenesque figure, which I can appreciate, and she's got the whole biker chick thing going on, which is an interesting change from the women that I'm regularly around. So, I spent the evening eating, drinking, listening to music, serving a few dozen pints of Guinness, chatting and people watching. It was a nice evening all around.
Being at the festival has me thinking of the odd, often antagonistic, destructive nature of people yet just as often they are capable of great tolerance and compassion. I mean as a species were literally an oxymoron particularly in our institutions. Governments kill people to save them from tyranny. Religions that preach peace and understanding clash over points of doctrine or some other rubbish. Yet, there are groups that do great humanitarian work at great danger to themselves --like Doctors without Borders. We bounce back from one extreme to another, which is the only way we seem to keep some resemblance of a neutral state. The good hopefully balances out the bad, even if just barely. However, you'd think the good route would eventually be recognized as the way to go.
Of course, that is a very self-less idea but self-interest--or in the more extreme cases self absorption is more the norm. We can all too easily blind ourselves to the cost to others around us when we are focused on something for ourselves. Most do this accidentally and while a few do it intentionally (which is likely one of the better definitions of evil -- pursuing a personal desire while knowing it is harming someone else and not caring or even enjoying the fact.) I guess it's just the nature of the beast -- saint and sinner in one neat little package.
I think I have more to say about this; however my train of thought is wandering. I'll have to come back to it later.
Spent most of the late afternoon wandering, eating more unhealthy festival food, and listening to a couple different bands. I was able to ditch anymore any more stretches of beer sloshing until tomorrow -- while being enough an ass to hang out around back with my chums and ogle women as they pass. It's one of our primary pleasures at the fest because we are all serious letches and there are a vast number of attractive women -- particularly if you like redheads. Anyhoo, I'm pretty limited to distant appreciation and have been for a very long time. I make the most of what I have left.
It's been a fun day even when I was alone. Being around the guys, I was able to enjoy the camraderie as we cutup while we wandered about. However, I am the most happy about the solo time that I had. When I have done it at past festivals, I would always notice the couples, families and other groups and they seemed to enjoying themselves as well as each others company. In my little pocket of alienation, I would envy them and I would turn bitter and morose and focus on why I couldn't be that way. I was able to avoid that this year. I enjoyed my time as a much needed escape to think and relax. I think it s a good sign that I am becoming more comfortable in my own skin and focusing less on what I don't have. It's a good thing.