December 8, 2004
I've hit an unexpected bit of coasting at work, and oddly, its not my fault. I'm supposed to have one of my big projects ready for production by Wednesday of next week. Unfortunately, it isn't going to happen. I've been lining up the pieces for the company marketing plan as I can -- but several of the vice presidents haven't gotten their materials to me. It's not like I can go yell at them! I'm going to do a little political covering of my ass tomorrow and move on to the projects that I can work on.
It's kind of good I need a breather right now. I wasn't stressing myself sick earlier in the week. I don't really like twisting my guts into knots, and thats where stress hits me. I'm also contending with the tension surrounding T's failed pregnancy. Since R is usually in bed early in the evening, I still end up spending a lot of time alone with her and hitting a smooth spot has let me be a better shoulder to cry on.
In the past few days, my bachelorhood has come up in conversation or in other venues. Hell, one of my coworkers was teasing me about hooking me up with a nice girl -- my pat response -- "Why would you do that to someone nice?" While I can generally deflect it with black humor, I have to admit that is putting me in a bit of a niggling funk. I think part of it has to do with the season. In the common meme, this is a family time of year and I'm not going to get to spend it with my mine. I'm pretty much sure that I am going to spend Christmas Day and Eve by myself -- if only to help separate myself from the kids. It's been a long while since I spent the holidays with someone special, which is partly to blame for my souring on them.
Anyways, the funk doesn't really matter. It's just a rehasing of old ghosts. Rather than focus on it, I might as well let it fade it away. I don't foresee either my holiday attitude or level of romantic involvement changing. Why beat a dead horse?