January 14, 2006
In years past, I was a big letter writer. It was my preferred way of communicating. I've always been better at putting my thoughts into words via a fountain pen and paper. It also gave me a "comfort layer" to express anything that I might be feeling. For my own reasons, I'm not an overtly demonstrative in a lot of ways and writing gave me a way to be a little more open.
Well, over the past year or more, I've pretty much secluded myself and fell out of touch with my friends. When you are feeling pretty shitty about your life, itís easy to feel that you don't want to burden anyone with your foibles as well as being embarrassed by your existence. I mean who wants to hear "I went to work, came home, ate, played computer games, went to bed..." repeat ad infinitum et ad nauseam. So, my letter writing habit has become a thing from another era of my life.
Well, I'm trying to get back in the habit and let my friends - if any still consider me such - know that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. Well, I feel a little funny doing this after so long, so I thought to try with some new people as way of practice. I have a couple new friends that are still at the "getting-to-know" stage, so I thought to write to them. It's turning out to be tough for me. I don't know whether it's a self-conscious case of my social awkwardness compounded by lack of practice or a simple case of shyness; but I having a damned difficult time putting anything coherent down on paper. Maybe I've gotten simply that lame so there is nothing worth writing about. All I know is that I canít seem to put something down on paper that I am happy with Ė or at least not sound like a moon-faced, drooling idiot.