The Bolthole by Asher
 
January 2006
3The Silent Man
4Mountain Tears
9Spiritual
12Bullís-eye!
14Epistle
17Dodging
18Companionship and other thoughts
21Slowing down without stopping
23Self-Degradation
24 
25 
26Rant Diverted/Redirected
27Time to reap and a Time to Sow
28Buying New Toys with Satan
29Killing A Sunday
30Back to the Salt Mine
31Can't Freaking Win
Buying New Toys with Satan
January 28, 2006



Iíve spent a good chunk of time with Satan over the past couple of days. He finally had his Ďconfrontationí with Lilith, and it actually went much more peaceably that I might have been expected. Seems like I have been the one agitating for some sort of fracas -- and Satan has indicated that I am mad enough for both of us. Heís just emotionally exhausted and hurt by this whole affair to be really angry. He just wants this thing done -- particularly after their conversations of the past day or so.

Apparently, there marriage has been dead for a very long time and all the attempts that he thought he was making to help bolster their marriage where essentially too little too late. The sad thing is that she never had the gumption to tell him that it was all in vain. So, a lot of frustration, anger and hurt might have been saved if only they had been able to be honest and open with each other. While, I am not one to talk about such matters lightly -- particularly in light of my past -- I hope that I would have the balls to do exactly that if I were involved again. This situation has if anything made that clear to me.

Maybe Iím a little overly romantic still -- and thatís why this whole situation is just eating at me. I am enough of a realist to understand that relationships donít always work -- but I know for myself what I would want. I want a partner on all levels -- mind, body, heart, spirit and soul. I would want a companion to share my life with -- but someone secure enough to have a life of their own. Strong separately and stronger together.

However, I have friends that preach that the best that you can find is someone that you have a few things in common and sexual attraction for and even things arenít likely to last. There is no Ďoneí that you can hope to find so you just have to make do. I find it all very unromantic and disappointing. There has to be more than that --- otherwise life has to be a very sad thing indeed. Unfortunately, Iíve seen too many examples where that seems to be the case and if it is, Iím pretty much out of luck -- but then I knew that.




Satan and I spent a good portion of the day together. We got together late in the morning for breakfast at Bob Evans. We talked about the situation as it stood and how it would affect things. They are staying in the same house together for a time. They figure they need a couple of months to get it market ready. Theyíll sell it and split the proceeds between them. After that, they last thing they will do as a couple will be to pay their taxes.

Right now, it sets our target moving date to approximately March 1. By that point, the RHR will be back from New Zealand and we should all be able to move into some place. Satan and I are going to start the preliminary looking up towards Baltimore. Satan needs to be close for his schooling and I can better afford the expense of having to drive farther.

Anyways, following breakfast, we hit Best Buy because Satan needed to buy his mother a new PC and I ended up doing some significant shopping as well. Iíve been wanting a new laptop since the kids have started using my desktop when the boy is in a game playing mood. I wanted a machine that is mine and mine alone as well as had some nice features like wireless internet built in. I am planning to get out of the house more and having that option would be great if I was hanging out somewhere like Borders. Anyways, I shucked out about $1400 on a new Gateway laptop with AMD 4000+ processor. Not your standard mobile CPU but one with a good deal of power combined with x600 ATI video card -- I have the opportunity to be creative and maybe kick some online ass as well. The best of both worlds in my view.

Overall a rather silly thing to get, but what the hell, I enjoy having the flexibility. Plus, it gets me out of the basement now. Very Happy
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