|Not All Bad/Looking at the paths ahead|
April 3, 2010
OK. N has been driving me batty and most of the time has no clue who I am, what I want, or what I am feeling. She tries and she cares -- and sometimes, just sometimes, she get's something right with me. She found the following poem that so applies to my writing -- and obviously applies to others as well.
Sometimes the world seems hectic
full of rush and rage
and the only place that's peaceful
is the empty, waiting page
when all around is wanting
and no-one stops to thank
there is one place that's stress free
and that's the page that's blank
There are no expectations
no rules to build a cage
just there for free expression
that patiently waiting page
I think I hear my fountain pen and at least one of my notebooks calling me.
I had a subject that I wanted to cover this evening and now my mind has been filled with a variety of other thoughts and concerns. I'm looking forward to reintegrating living back into my existence and in some regards I don't know where it's going to go. It's not quite the rudderless feeling that drove me over the edge last year. I have my dreams as unrealistic as they might be -- but I can't be adverse to other opportunities.
I just wonder how a hermit like me is going to find them, simply because I am not the most sociable of people nor the easiest to get to know simply because I have grown even more suspicious of most people's intentions. Anyhoo, just a swirl of thoughts, ideas, emotions and machinations rushing about in no particular order or place. Perhaps, it is time to let them ferment for awhile.
I will admit though, I have been thinking quite a bit lately that I am meant to be a solo act this time around the wheel. So, I can simply learn to do for myself rather than anyone else -- because the heavens know, I don't do well typically in my own regard.
I mean the past year has taught me that I am not willing to settle for something that doesn't give me what I want in a relationship. I have learned that in spades -- and the feelings I have for the Muse have burned it into me. I want their equal otherwise it is a farce. I have lived enough lies.
With the right person, I will move heaven and earth for them...for myself though...it might add up to a teaspoon. Perhaps, I am to learn that I need to do more for myself, to care more for myself, and most of all, not continuously undervalue myself. I mean, I did well enough to earn the Muse's affection once -- and I respect her more than any other. I must be doing something right and that I means I am capable of doing something right regularly. Perhaps, it is time for me to give myself due consideration.