|One is the Lonliest Number.|
August 5, 2018
I'm still doing the job of 3 nurses and I dislike it. I'm tired and feeling somewhat depressed. I think it's just burn out. But I keep smiling at work. I don't know how long that will last. I need to take some time off from work to get health things taken care of and it's really hard to do that when they would have to close down clinics due to lack of nurses.
It's very unfortunate that they made the decision to leave one nurse on her own. I don't want to make it seem like I have no support or that they haven't tried to lighten my load. I have good co-workers. That being said, the reality of being the lone nurse stands and I have to deal with it. Actually I'm not the only nurse. My boss is nurse. And her boss is a nurse. And there is another RN running a different clinic. But everyone has their job to do and it's not very easy for them to help out with mine when they have piles of work themselves. Plus, I'd actually have to show them all how to do my job and who has time for that these days? I'll admit, though, that I'm rather angry they didn't think before they fired that other nurse. No one said anything to me. They just dumped the work in my lap.
I have a vague feeling that my boss actually thinks it's no big deal. I think she might even be saying that to people. It really pisses me off to imagine that. I have no evidence whatsoever that she is saying anything of the sort. I just have a hunch. I asked one of the practitioners if there had been a time in the clinic before where there was only one nurse and she said no, not as long as she'd been there. I really hope they don't have some idea to save money and cut back on nurses. I don't want to leave my job but I will if they just don't bother hiring anyone else and don't give me a substantial raise for carrying this load permanently.
My biggest worry is I won't be able to refresh after things go back to normal. I'll never get back to the contentment I used to have in this job. My anxiety levels are up and I want to stay home. I don't know how to turn that back around.
I do know that I have to think of me more. I absolutely cannot prioritize the job over my own health. I need to have a minor surgery and I need to have a diagnostic test done. If I wanted to be an asshole I could just schedule it and let them deal with the problems at work. It's not my fault the clinic is in this situation. I sure wasn't consulted.
I have other, very positive news to share. But I'll have to save it until later...