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This Thing Called Life by Pansis
February 2016
2Orgasm...where are you?
9Normal? Probably Not
14Having a Hard Day

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Having a Hard Day
February 14, 2016

Not sure why, but I'm feeling really down today.
Missing home and everything about it. Especially Bill.

I haven't heard from him since December, I think?
I have no idea why. Obviously he doesn't want contact with me, but an email saying so would have been nice. I would have respected that.
I told him in our last communication that I wouldn't write him again unless he wrote me first. I was worried about his wife finding his secret email. Maybe that's what happened, who knows?

All I know is I'm not getting used to this place. I'm not adapting or adjusting and it's not getting easier.

Truthfully, in some ways I'm glad all my sexual adventures are over. I don't live in fear of being found out anymore. I don't have the What If's hanging over my head...what if I leave my email open? What if someone sees my car at the hotel? What more of that.
It's refreshing not to live like that.

But I still miss Bill and Bob.
I still miss the excitement. The adventures of it all. I remember my experiences and get a little tingle. I did some wild and crazy shit. And loved every minute of it.

But it's done with now. And I'm really ok with that.

I just wish I wasn't here. I wish I was home.
I'm lonely today. I want to sit in the coffee house with my sister and talk about anything and everything.
Phone calls and Facebook just aren't the same. I know everything that everyone is up to thanks to social media...but it's just not the same.

I'm sick of being lonely. Husband does nothing but irritate me these days, and my son is never home. It's just me and the cats. And when I'm left alone with nothing but my thoughts, it's easy to get myself into trouble.

Fuck this.
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