|Art. A Social Comment. Contd...|
March 27, 2018
Dinner at D's. went well. I always cook well-balanced healthful meals for nutritional support due to our health issues.
We both did well today. It's a constantly hard challenge caring for D. and I cannot commit to this caregiving schedule on a daily basis because I am equally important to myself to take care of. He understands this but doesn't like nor accept it very much. He wants me to be there for him more than I am capable of doing. It's a boundary he oversteps and blithely ignores regularly. The good thing that is happening as of late, is that reinstating (or reinforcing) my boundaries with D. is getting easier for me to do. Progress is awesome. Recovery is definitely an inside job.
I'm reading Eckhart Tolle (kindly loaned by Jo), & it's a fascinating new facet and approach. Krishna is mindfulness but Tolle's approach is somewhat different. Must keep pen & paper handy to make notes as I read.
I'm clean. Be a week tomorrow. I will resume my solo meetings in print and call D. in the South Island phone credit permitting.
We celebrate Easter at church this Sunday gone because first Sundays of the month are Fast Sundays ; a 24-hour fast, and Sacrament meetings are testimony bearing meetings where the hour is open to church members of any age to bear personal witness of the Saviour Jesus Christ. It's also a time to share any relevant experiences that an individual feels may strengthen their personal testimony and inspire or comfort others etc. I've done it once or twice (shaking like a leaf on a breeze-ruffled tree), because of my anxiety disorder...still did it though and felt strengthened in peace.
The drawings and beat scripts that I visually created and wrote on the back of a supermarket receipt yesterday evening at D's, led to those four hours of serious art work in digital form when I got home from his place. I don't why I've out-of-the-blue, just decided to do art again? It feels right. It feels different in a really good way and I am mindful of not being hard on myself and consciously not twisting myself up into an emotional pretzel...that can only be a good thing. The things that other folk may take for "granted" & have little or no problem enjoying their creative sides, I have constantly struggled with from 18 years old...I'll get there. Things are improving and getting better.
A SOCIAL COMMENT.
The high school shootings in The States is one huge and serious contemporary tragedy. Children are becoming incredibly dangerous, so young. This is a sure sign of the times and this is not okay. Children are influenced by other childrens' actions and because we live in The Digital Age, who is to know how widespread influence for good or evil will travel. These days?
"Got a phone? Wifi? Data? Will travel."
A brother-in-law is a high school principal. Being Mormon, he has already called a special school assembly to honour the dead school children in The States. He also had something to say to his students too. We do not live with this kind of occurrence in NZL but rarely and on a much smaller scale and I don't think any high school or primary school children have instigated massacre. Our shit is pretty tame cf USA. We are though, among THE TOP THREE COUNTRIES WORLDWIDE for teenage suicide / suicide. Horrific for a tiny country.
Also, NZL is not a gun state. We mostly have respectful and practical views around personal arms possessions (those who own such items) & our laws are strict and equally serious.
Gangs and drugs are deviances from the social norm, so I won't digress. This isn't an academic approach.
Our children are precious. Very precious.
Time for my meds and bed. Lack of sleep makea my body cold. Scarily cold and my afternoon nap was unpleasant.
Light, love and blessings to children. (Teens ARE just that...older children.)
Writing finished @ 21:00.
07:32 Wednesday Morning :
Well today is the day D. goes to the hospital. This is pre-op appointment to see the anaesthetist. He doesn't want to go. He hates his permanent catheter (which is strapped to his leg), & he doesn't want to be operated on at all even though this just might help and his children don't want anything to do with him. (D. has a son and a daughter & has been married twice.) Anything positive suggested by others - because we all do want to help - D. will immediately see the negative side to it or simply reject it outright. All he wants are his children by his side and then he'll get better...it's a sad, bad, doom-&-gloom situation for him. That's how he sees it. Added to his kidney problem (he lives with one kidney and that one is seriously impaired hence operation), his children don't want him in their lives, he has debt, hates his clothes because some of them are second-hand or been given to him and he hates living where he does ; here with us. He also suffers from serious and daily anxiety and depression, believes that he is a victim of his circumstances and does not want to get better or make helpful changes until he gets his grown children back onside with him.
I'm getting a lot better at dealing with him and drop by most days. If I start to feel uncomfortable, stressed or angry, I just go home.
His community health nurse is taking us to the hospital this afternoon. We leave at 13:00.
I slept well. Got up at 06:33 & went and got cash from atm then smokes from gas station. Home now in bed to try have a little nap, then I'm up for the day.
Jo will be round this morning for coffee so I must go get milk and morning tea food.
I'll write more tonight on Wednesday's date.
I miss my grandchildren very much.