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Life's A Script. by Amanda22Jane
 
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O Cool. On The Same Page! (UPDATE)
May 16, 2018

Yes. It's Wednesday night here in New Zealand too and I am done with my packet of twenty cigarettes and two bottles of Sauvignon. I'm not that drunk. I self-medicate on wine. I feel okay. Not far past the twilight zone.

Two bottles of Sauvignon doesn't leave me totally incapcitated which is good.

I wish that I had a male lover. Men can be great in that respect, but I don't have a man in my life, as much as I would love one.

I'm living clean these days in more ways than one and I find that this really helps but this doesn't mean to to say that I don't miss men and sex. I do miss this deeply.

I hope that someday my prayers are answered and God provides me with someone beautiful. Enough of this for now...

My kitten is a real handful. I do not like her biting and scratching me.

Suddenly overwhelmed by tiredness again so I'll finish here.


I would love to take my daughter out for lunch too someday soon. Not a hard ask, surely?


UPDATE :

I forgot to write about a dream that I had about my daughter last night. It was a confused travelling dream with four people involved : myself, my daughter, her father and her aunt - my sister. We finally all made it to our final destination which was a street lined with medical specialists rooms. My daughter kept her face averted from me. I was thrilled to finally meet up and see her.

"Darling," I said to her,"turn your face to me. I want to see what's wrong."
She smiled in profile then said to me, "Mum. It's okay. My right eye is fucked. I'm blind in that eye now."
Then she turned her face to me full on and I saw the horrific injury. She took her right eye out of its socket, turned it around in her hand in front of me then pushed it back into a swollen socket.
Her father and aunt then proceeded to consult medical teams on the street we were standing on and I simply said :
"Darling. God will heal you."
There is not much point in trusting in the arm of flesh when a Higher Power can deliver the seemingly impossible.
G'nite. Insomnia stalks and preys yet my body is lead. Dekker is fine. She's asleep.
 
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