|Why I Am A Gnostic (Sort Of)|
August 14, 2016
My Gnostic life began with a weird revelation. I was hiking in Yosemite national park in 1988. I was taking in the sights; when all of a sudden I had a realization at the
time that can be one that can only be described as shock and horror. I looked at the trees, and all of a sudden they appeared very numinous. I saw white light that cried
out for help; in that the light was imprisoned in the forms of the trees, and could not escape. The physical forms of the trees were like prisons for the light, that
wanted to escape, and dissipate in boundless space. I had a sense that the light represented the Platonic Archetypal Realm and its objects, imprisoned in name and form,
(Nama Rupa) both astral and physical.... I had a sense of the truculence of existence, that nature plagiarized the beauty of the archetypes trapped in her, and called
that beauty her own.
This was a gnostic experience, one that indicated to me that in spite of the seeming beauty of nature, it was nothing more than a glamourous illusion. In reality life
was a gigantic morass of suffering; everything parasitic, cruel, exploitative, as the nature of survival, and everyone trapped and having to be part of this system,
whether they wanted to be or not....
The idea of a 'personal god' in this seemed like a puerile illusion. I saw the Ultimate Source of all things as impersonal and indifferent, sustaining an infinite number
of possible state of existence, without regard for quality or kindness of any sort. I already leaned towards Nihilism, and this seemed to cement this type of orientation
I became convinced that nothing really lead anywhere, as far as any kind of meaning was concerned. Philosophical idealism, that holds that teleology or meaning to all
things exists, seemed to me a facile absurdity. I had to part company with Manly Hall, and Crowley in this respect, and go more towards uncharted areas.....
The highest state of being for me at this time, was the Hindu and Buddhist idea of Liberation: i.e. The dissipation of one's self as the total annihilation of one's
identity in the Source or the Unmanifest... But the questions remained, Miracles still seemed to happen... There was anomalous phenomena such as holy images appearing in
leaves, stigmata, etc. Years later I saw a picture of a stigmatic who had a consecrated host turn to flesh and blood on his tongue, while he bled from his hands and
Unlike most skeptics, I do not deny that these things really happen. I think these experiences really do happen... The assumption though that these experiences are
somehow *divine* is what is in error here....
I think that it is reasonable to assume, that something that can be called the "Morphogenic Field" exists. It is a field that links all physical reality together, and
integrates it with what you could call "Mind" or "Consciousness." Mind and awareness does interact with the physical world, it is obvious all of the time. People get
ideas in their heads, become mentally aware of something, and then they act and impact the physical world. And the physical world, also generates ideas about things,
and the interactions of motive forces between living things, subjects and objects. Mind and Physical reality act on each other through senses, thoughts, feelings, in
all kinds of ways. So what about religious "miracles?"
These are what you can call "anomalous phenomena." What happens to the Morphogenic Field, when tens of millions of Catholics believe the same things, and entertain
virtually the same images in their heads of Jesus, Mother Mary, Saints, Angels, Holy Pastimes of these characters, etc? This builds up a tremendous amount of what you
could call Morphogenic Mass on the Consciousness level. On the this level you have something huge, with immense archetypal power as collective motifs. Because the
Morphogenic Field is also linked to the physical world, you will have a "boil-off" kind of event that will impact physical reality and create anomalous phenomena:
Thus you will have stigmata s, healing s, images in leaves, etc.... These things are misunderstood natural phenomena, they are not "divine," whatever that is....
Experiences of a personal god or gods and goddesses could also fit into this category.....
On another tack, I also think that experiences that seem to be divine, are also merely natural, although Pure Mind I see as being beyond nature.... The Archetypal
Plane, beyond four dimensions, can seem like spirit. The light I saw in my gnostic experience seemed like spirit, although I doubt that is what it was....
Another reason that I cannot accept the idea of karma, or accepting and rejecting god, is that I do not believe in free will. Free will implies acts committed in Time,
and I do not believe that Time really exists at all. Time is just a human invention....
e.g. Say you went out in the forest, or the desert in the middle of nowhere, with no clocks. Say you just sat in the same place, and did not move except to sleep. After
about a month of this, you would have no sense of time. You would just have a Present only, with all kinds of things in it, that would move in and out of consciousness.
Everything in that Present, that moved around would exist within it, and would arrange itself in a way that was totally inevitable, even your own thoughts and acts,
would be a fated part of that Present. There would be no beginning and no end...... No cause or effect... You might start seeing this like on an LSD trip where the
totality of something would be seen in all of its phases, like a flower blooming, closing, and dying all at once.
In human terms, for me at least, all of this implies 'function' but not meaning in any sense...
Even if you posit an infinite universe, infinite in substance, and infinite in the transformations of what could exist and not exist within it, it would be too
infinite and limitless to be held into some kind of anthropomorphic 'meaning' or 'truth' in the religiously understood sense. Rather it is an indifferent construct,
the only hope being one to achieve liberation by merging into Nothingness.