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Wish Me Luck!! by Dean Atlas
July 2017
20% Cocaine
3out with the ass wipes
5stuck in a pit
7pbackspase agfain
8 never look
9breakfast joint
10super tired
11phenomenally complicated
12level 10 zen master
13internally and externally
14roller coaster of chaos
15slowly faded away
16total annihilation
17crash course
19hate being a human being
28inside me
30crazy bitches
31shit soup

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stuck in a pit
July 5, 2017

Went into to town today to look for a job. Didn't see anything that was that encouraging. There was one job that I had read in the want adds that really got my attention. And it was one of the first places I stopped by. But you had to have a drivers license. I've been driving with out a license for two decades now and it's finally time to make it legit. I was planning to get my license here soon with my next couple of checks from Jack in the Box... but that's gone now. I know I spent years digging this hole for myself. But it sure sucks when you finally sober up, and you start to live a honest clean life, and you're still stuck in a deep pit of shit that you dug for yourself ages ago. Hopefully it won't take me as long to climb out of this hole as it took me to dig it.

I saw my good buddy Mike today and he says they're hiring down at the shipyard. It pays $16 and hour starting wage so I'm going to try them tomorrow. Five bucks more than I was getting at my last job would definitely help.

My son stays with me 3 nights out of the week and he got here late tonight. He sure is a good kid. His mom went all christian when we broke up and has been sending him to the private church school that she teaches at. It weirds me out a little because she used to be one of the purest Agnostics I had ever met. Oh well. So it's a small school and really gives each child a lot of one on one attention with the teachers. Yes, it has made him a little socially awkward. But I keep showing him edgy movies and cartoons and I also take him out to different public places where there are kids that play with him and show him how to be sort of normal.

Didn't go for my walk today and I've been disappointed in myself. Definitely going to go tomorrow after I get back from another day of job searching. I need to start lifting weights again. It's been several months now and even though I've been marching up that hill almost everyday. It can't count for a workout anymore. I haven't gotten any fatter but I haven't gotten buffer either.

There is this place downtown called Worksource that helps you find jobs. Ever since I lost my bar a year ago I've been going down there. There's this really sweet old lady that works there named Patrice that is always so nice to me. Last year when I first started to swing in there she had a lead on a this bartending position that was across town and wanted me to scoot up there and apply. But I was with my son, and we were walking, so I wasn't going to be able to go. So she snuck out of work and gave us a ride. It was the kindest thing anyone had done for me in a long time. I'm going to pop in there while I'm bopping around town tomorrow and say hi and see if she still has my resume on her computer. Looking forward to seeing her smiling face. She's probably going to think that I'm kind of flaky now that she's seen me 3 times in one year but oh well. I gotta find somewhere that fits me well. Fuck I'd shovel shit knee deep for minimum wage if I was surrounded by nice co-workers. But my last 3 jobs were just nightmares. I've had some pretty cool jobs in the past, and hopefully it won't be much longer until I find another one.
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