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Wish Me Luck!! by Dean Atlas
July 2017
20% Cocaine
3out with the ass wipes
5stuck in a pit
7pbackspase agfain
8 never look
9breakfast joint
10super tired
11phenomenally complicated
12level 10 zen master
13internally and externally
14roller coaster of chaos
15slowly faded away
16total annihilation
17crash course
19hate being a human being
28inside me
30crazy bitches
31shit soup

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shit soup
July 31, 2017

Got a lot done today and it felt good. Talked to a couple of different managers about jobs, and they were all very nice to me. I could tell that I'll probably get hired by at least one of them. Tomorrow I go and get my alcohol evaluation done so I can get my drivers license back after 20 years and then I'll start to work on getting my CDL so I can drive truck.

Went for my usual walk up the hill and I'm starting to notice that I'm not eating anything with salt in it anymore. My blood pressure sucks these days so I got to start watching my diet more closely. If I knew that I was going to live this long I definitely would've taken better care of myself. Thought for sure I was going to die when I was 27 like Jon, Janice, and Jimmy... but not so much for me. I guess I got to suffer a little longer in this realm.

Talking about suffering...I'm going to quit cigarettes tomorrow. Fuuuck it's going to suuuck soOoOo baaaad. It's the last vice I have left though. No more Caffeine, no more hard drugs, no more mellow drugs, No more booze, and more cigarettes. I know the mind fuck that's about to happen to me. So please try and be patient with me for the next couple of weeks because I'm probably going to be way more ranty than usual. I've done this before and I know what I need to do to quit. Some people need the patch, some need the gum, some need pills, I need nothing. Just straight up cold turkey. It's going to be awful for about a week or so. I'm going to hate everything and everyone even more than I already do...but I'm especially going to hate my dumb ass. So hang in there with me oK.

Since I was a young child I've heard the expression "Scare the shit out of you." and always thought it had to be from something so scary that you just lost all control. But the other day I ate something that didn't agree with me and found myself squeezing my butt hole so tight just so I could make it home before I pooped myself. And I thought what if something was to jump out and scare me at that very moment... My puckering sphincter would have definitely just let loose and it would've been game over. So maybe it's not that the situation was really that's more that they had an upset tummy and had been teetering on the brink of spraying some shit soup for awhile. Food for thought.
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