October 8, 2018
It hurts so fucking much and while I could just as easily reach for the remedy and take it all away, I sit here torturing myself with it. Laying in this lovely little hole and feeling that I probably belong there while feelings and memories fall on my face like dirt to fill in the empty space and leave me buried and forgotten. It doesn't particularly seem fitting but it is what I'm accustomed to after all. Probability is always in favor of this outcome so I don't know why I still let it hurt so bad when it happens.
There's a beautiful moon, shining in the night sky right behind all those dark clouds. I keep looking, hoping to see it in it's magnificence and ever taunted by that dark blanket moving just enough to glimpse it's edges but forever hiding the full picture from view. I'm not allowed to see that light.