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Total Exertion. by Amanda22Jane
October 2020

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A Little Acceptance.
October 1, 2020

This is going to take a while. A long while. This is not an easy ride. It's a new way of saying goodbye and letting go of another lifelong companion : food. Diets don't work for me. They're a friend to many but an encumbrance to me. I'm learning to accept this. So. I have just under 200gms of brown sugar left on the shelf. Sugar is a health risk. I'm sugar/fat/salt dependent. I'm food dependent. Certain foods.
I've started titrating myself to low usage. Not no usage, low usage.
More than this, I have accepted just a little bit more that feeling hunger is not a bad, life~threatening thing.
Fruits are the wisest sugar source.
I've not bought butter or butter substitutes for a number of weeks.
At the moment, my fridge is nearly empty. It needs to stay that way for a while. It contains small amounts of dairy and soy milks, fresh vegetables, catfood. That's it.
I can do this. And I don't want to do this on my own. I have support. Very good support. I've been down this road before and this time it's with a different approach. I am working on letting go.
Food and tobacco are two of my oldest addictions. Wow. I need to let go of them. They are keeping me sick.
Today has been a successful day.
Pain is a great teacher. One of the greatest teachers there is.
These are the small steps I took today to work a program of recovery. I let myself cry a little, and feel the pain without fighting against it and without eating to ease it.
I walked just enough to not feel over tired yet still feel the benefit of having exercised.
There's pain in addiction and pain in recovery. The former is deadly. The latter brings life. On. The. Inside.
And I did this with mindfulness to fibromyalgia. I've noticed that the regular walking doesn't eliminate my pain and fatigue. It strengthens my body enough to bear it a lot better.

Love, life and blessings. Much love from New Zealand MJ writers.

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