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Total Exertion. by Amanda22Jane
October 2020

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The "Marathon" Walk.
October 10, 2020

Well, I did it. Finally got this long walk in. I'm noticing my negative attitude and feelings around doing this walk are weakening. That's excellent progress. I don't know why, but for the last few times that I have done this walk, I think to myself : I'll just do half of it, turn around and walk back. I never do. This usually happens during the first 200 metres. I don't know what I am afraid of, apart from injuring myself.

The bright side is the differences that are happening now :

♡ I'm not pushing myself hard and getting exhausted quickly.
♡ I'm not stopping for short rests as much.
♡ When I get home, I don't have to smoke straight away, then lie down for up to an hour before I shower.
♡ Today I was able to stay on my feet and water the gardens.
♡ My feet didn't hurt while walking.
♡ I did this walk a week ago last Saturday. I can do it weekly cf fortnightly now. That is a huge surprise to me. I didn't think that would happen. Ever!

After I finished the gardens, I still didn't sit down. I got my carry bag and walked to the supermarket. That's when the pain started up badly in my feet and legs. Fuck this shit. It was excruciating. I literally hobbled there and back. Learning my limits. Crashed for 6 whole precious hours of nourishing sleep, after a delicious lunch.

Breakfast ~ 2 Weetbix with 1 tsp brown sugar, a large sliced banana and calcium fortified trim milk. (2L of Calcitrim is $5.60! Expensive but worth it.)

Lunch ~ 3 small brown lentil fritters, a lot of water (boiled/cooled), Weight Watchers chocolate mousse. So good.

Dinner ~ One pan~fried boneless, lamb shoulder chop. The last 3 lentil fritters, and more mousse. One handful of roasted, unsalted almonds. More water.

What a day. Still struggling with my head. Less obsessing now. My gratitude is between me and my God. I'm not publicly expressing it at all. Some things are best left out of the public eye. Sacred things, you know??

I hate how advertising uses addiction to promote, market and sell products. I really fucken do. It's not something to be taking lightly. Fucken hate it. Can't wait for the day that there are laws put in place to keep ad media from doing this. It doesn't just apply to alcohol and I notice no alcohol ads DARE do that. Food ads mostly, especially chocolate. Food addiction is very real.

G'nite from New Zealand (23:49.)


Something A Little Worrying.

There was bright red blood in my stools this morning. Periodically I have been bleeding from my bowel when it moves. Always bright red blood. About 3 years now. (2017.) My doctor will be phoning me this week, as a follow up with the amitriptyline. I need to make the call a paid phone visit, and tell her this situation because I haven't. It doesn't happen often enough to warrant anything further than a nervous worry for a few moments on the days that I have passed blood. This has been a new health occurrence in my last drinking relapse. I thought that it would clear up now that I have stopped drinking. This is the second or third time it's happened, since I've stopped.
Definitely doing The Marathon walk today. Definitely not over eating. I felt very little hunger yesterday because I ate more, so today I let myself feel hungry. Hungry is good.

💜🧜‍♀️🌹💜👍Lovely to hear from you sweetheart. My prayers are for you. I knew it. I fucking knew it.
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