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Total Exertion. by Amanda22Jane
October 2020

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The Best!
October 24, 2020

I completed "The Marathon" walk early afternoon. This has been the most successful walk of this circuit in a long time.
The pain came and went but was less at the onset, and nowhere near as bad as the past four to six times I've done "The Marathon". Yes, I know that I said yesterday that I wasn't going to do it. The view and scenery is beautiful. And there's the pukekos, cows, doggies, ducks today though.

I think I've done this walk between 12~15 times already. Today, is such a wonderful blessing of positive results from such a HELL of a circuit. I always feel so much better afterwards.
It gives me an inner physical strength. Not straight away it takes a while.
And this time, my change of mind during the first half, to turn around halfway and walk back home, only lasted a minute.
So glad there wasn't any crippling pain associated with the walking today. Towards the end, the pain had shifted to my shoulders/upper back. That was bloody sore.

I can feel that I'm losing now, but I can't visually see it. When I feel certain parts of my body, they feel different. Other parts, no change.
I'm getting obsessed over this. It's so fucken hard anyway. A lot of life is still fucken hard but I'm still facing as much as I can every day.

21:21 p.m. Haven't showered yet.

The walk was a really good effort. Floor exercises still haven't started.
My midriff fat is not going anywhere unless I start working it off. Applies to every other bit of me where fat lives.

Studying up a lot more about fibromyalgia. It's really helpful and raises my personal awareness of what I go through and millions of other sufferers around the world do too : mostly women. I think I've had fibromyalgia since 2016. (That's when I started journalling the pain.)
M.E. I have had since 2014. Both undiagnosed for years.

Who would've thing after another...

I'm more than convinced that extreme trauma during January~February 2014, caused this. I was clean and sober then too until July~August shortly before I moved further north to live with my sister.

I'm not alone in this kind of situation. Millions of people live with multiple health conditions.
Helps me to feel normal and ordinary. Nothing wrong with that.

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