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Total Exertion. by Amanda22Jane
 
October 2020
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I've Found The Fucker.
October 27, 2020

Now I know why I don't like going hungry. Overeating is not a new pathology. Nor is starvation. This hunger and starvation comes from childhood amongst all the other bullshit abuse that happened.
I'm doing my best not to comfort eat. Now there's other things coming up like these. I have just served myself up a second plate of cooked food and I came here to journal so I won't feel scared to eat it or not eat it. I eat compulsively as well. I choose to eat this second serve and I am going to enjoy every mouthful. I didn't enjoy much of the first serve, but I am going to mindfully eat the second.

21:58p.m. Tuesday night.

No walk today. Gardened enough to equal a 3~4 km walk. Sweat poured off me. Great going. Lounge garden looks a little better. Less neglected.

Everything I work on now has more than one benefit/payoff/blessing attached to it. Wow.

Second serve, hot shower scrub, meds including x2 10mg amitriptyline tabs. Quick sleep. Alarm set for 3:30 a.m. Need a cigarette. Going for a walk to gas station across town.

Crazy bitches that work the graveyard at the gas station closest to me. I know something is going on there. There are just too many young men awake and visiting that gas station in the early hours of the morning. I'm observant, I'm much older than them, and above all else, I'm not fucken stupid. Another place I veto. Prostitution isn't illegal but doing your sleazy side business at your place of employment is just dirty. Drug dealing at your place of employment is definitely illegal in any way. Crazy bitches.
 
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