November 6, 2020
I feel like I'm snacking A LOT this week. It's just little bites here and there. But of course it's freaking me out because I'm sure I'm going to mess something up. I have been ultra edgy with all of this election stuff so I do think it's old habits of emotional eating surfacing. It's not like I'm eating too much because if I am taking bites before dinner while I'm cooking, I'm not able to eat all of my dinner. So I'm not super worried about calories (I'm still pretty low on my daily totals - around 650) but I am worried about bad habits. I think I need to really focus on NO bites and tastes. If I'm hungry and I genuinely need a snack, then I need to be deliberate about it and have a snack... not just bites of things. I don't really know. This is all new to me but I do know that bites and tastes and mindless eating got me in trouble before... so I definitely need to consider making some changes.
Yes I have been a moody mess this week with this damn election. I even found myself arguing with my husband about stupid stuff and I literally had to stop dead in my tracks and go take a shower to relax a bit (and remove myself from the situation) and remind myself that HE IS NOT the enemy and that I'm just looking for an outlet for my anxiety. My husband is NOT that outlet and frankly, neither is food! Fortunately I can't do that much damage in the food department but like I said, it's the habits that I need to be aware of. My husband and I are fine I don't even think he noticed I was getting snippy with him because I got myself in check pretty quickly. But I don't even like that I was headed in that direction!
Anxiety is a killer in my world. I've gotten SO MUCH better over the years at managing it, but it's still such a disruptive part of my world. I am usually pretty stable (thanks to my antidepressant keeping my mood pretty stable) but I do have some anti-anxiety meds on hand just in case. I haven't had to use them very often lately but I will say that on Wednesday night I was not in a good place mentally. I did take one of my pills (very low dose and very mild medication) and it snapped me back into normalcy. I know I'm a stress-eater so considering the anxiety/stress this week, it stands to reason that I'm eating strangely. I guess now that I'm aware of it I am in a better position to make some corrections. Tomorrow is a new day
How am I feeling? physically, I'm doing really well. I just got back from an evening walk with my husband and it really does make a difference in how I feel. Physically, I've been feeling good this week. Good energy levels, good sleeping patterns and very restful sleep, and WIN that I've noticed this week is my blood pressure. I'm taking my readings in the morning and evening and my BP has been consistently in the lower "normal" range. This is amazing to me. I'm so excited to get my labs done in December so I can see the differences in my bloodwork. I expect big changes
Mentally/Emotionally - This week has been STUPID. The election has really taken it's toll on my sanity. I won't rant and rave about politics because that's not what my journal is for. But no matter what "side" you're on, this week has been a freaking rollercoaster. I'm wired to be hyper-emotional and this week has been a rough one for me. I wish I could turn down the volume on my emotional responses to these types of things. It's crazy. Me getting angry does NOTHING. I voted. That's all I can do. The rest will happen in whatever way it's going to happen. But it's been a constant effort for me all week to keep my shit together. The anxiety has been so intrusive. Outwardly, I think I'm managing OK - as in, I'm not being nasty to my husband. I'm holding it together. But it's taking effort... and that is exhausting... nothing to do with my weight loss surgery... but still... NO MORE ANXIETY PLEASE
On to the weekend... and I'll get this snacking and bites and tastes under control.