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Transmogrification by MsMagenta
 
November 2020
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Wanting to snack
November 16, 2020

One of the hardest times for me is right before my period and during the first couple of days. I didn’t realize it was so close and the last couple of days were a definite clue. I just want to eat carbs. Or not even carbs… I just want to eat everything. It’s so weird because I don’t really feel hungry but I’m craving SOMETHING. It’s really the only time, that I’ve noticed so far since surgery, that I am wanting to eat when I’m not really hungry. It has to be a hormone thing. The good news is that I’ve been able to avoid eating in these situations. I’m still doing well at sticking to my nutrition plan so no issues there… but I do have to remind myself frequently that I’m NOT actually hungry and I need to find something else to occupy my mind and my time… and GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN! Laughing

And LUCKY ME! I get to get a colonoscopy on Thursday. This means I get NOTHING to eat on Wednesday in exchange for that lovely colon prep concoction, broth, and sugar free popsicles. YAY! Irked I’m NOT looking forward to that. But once it’s over, I’ll pretty much have a clean bill of health from all vantage points (assuming that my colonoscopy is normal… and I have no reason to believe it won’t be). There are so many tests that have to happen when you turn 50. I feel like I’ve spent the last 6-8 months getting lab work and blood tests and Xrays and vaccines and various exams. I’m glad to be getting all of this stuff in before the end of the year when my insurance deductible kicks back in again. This would have been a very expensive year but thanks to my excellent insurance (I am SO GRATEFUL) I’ve been able to keep up with my part of the bills.

I’m looking forward to my 2 month check in. Saturday will be 2 months! How time flies! I’m so curious to do my measurements again. That’s always an eye-opening experience for me. Although I’m losing weight relatively quickly (compared to my previous pre-surgery attempts at weight loss), it’s easy for me to lose sight of the actual changes that are happening in my body. Yes, I see the scale drop but for some reason, my monthly measurements really do bring it all together for me. Honestly – I don’t think I look much different. I KNOW logically that I look different… but I still feel the exact same as I did at my heaviest. I will be over 30 pounds lighter by the 2 month check-in and I know my clothes are smaller and I can sort of tell in my face too but I still feel exactly the same as when I started… as far as my body image goes. That body dysmorphia thing is VERY REAL! Yes. I took some very unpleasant “Before” pictures the evening before surgery. The first month photos were still very unpleasant and while I could see some differences, the change wasn’t that major… of course… it had only been a month. Saturday I will take more unpleasant pictures and I’ll put them side-by-side to my original starting photos. I may see some difference this month but who knows…I plan to take photos every month and I’m sure eventually I will see a difference. But for now, my brain hasn’t caught up. Even my 88 year old father notices a difference. He said yesterday “that surgery you got seems to be working. I can see a difference already.” And trust me… my dad is a lovely person but he wouldn’t say it just to be nice. He’s pretty honest… so that made me feel good… AND his eyesight is getting bad so if he can tell even WITH bad eyesight… that’s a good thing Laughing

Exercise – I’m still doing my running conditioning. I’m getting better with each attempt even though I’m still not able to do the complete workout. I’m still shaving off a bit of my running time and walking a little longer but I am getting better each time. That’s encouraging. I’m taking it one workout at a time and not stressing too much. The fact that I’m out there TRYING makes me feel good.

How do I feel? Physically – hideous cramps and bloating. I don’t expect a huge loss this week because of the bloating and water retention but that’s OK. I’ll weigh again on Saturday for the 2 month mark so that should give me a better picture. Tylenol is a poor substitute for Motrin. It helps my cramps for about an hour and then they’re back again… and it SUCKS. But other than that and the general tiredness that comes with my period, I’m doing fine.

Mentally/emotionally – I’m good… better than good. I feel really positive lately. I think it’s the holidays. I LOVE this time of year. It makes me happy. My son will be home this time next week and I’ll be so glad to see him. And then we get to decorate for Christmas. Yeah, I LOVE this time of year!
 
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