|Peaceful Solitude // Christmas Gift Dilemma|
December 18, 2002
Last night, after i posted my entry, i wrapped myself up in my favorite Pooh blanket, turned on the CD player, and listened to Christmas music. Last year, H gave me a set of 4 Christmas CDs...all instrumental music. One CD is Classical Guitar, another is Classical Piano, and there are a Harp & Strings, and a Woodwinds CD as well. He got the whole set for $10, and figured even if they weren't any good, he hadn't spent alot. They are, however, really beautifully done, and have become some of my favorites. i also played Dan Fogelberg's "The First Christmas Morning" CD. Naturally that would be one of my favorites, since i've been a huge fan of his for more years than i can count.
So there we were, Barsky and i. i had a cup of tea with cinnamon and honey, and he was lying next to the chair so i could pet him. The only lights were from the Christmas tree, and the snowman on the windowsill. It was wonderfully tranquil and quiet. Just what i wanted.
i had a nice surprise at work today. i got my paycheck, and found a $75 Christmas bonus included!!! And Wilma brought in homemade cookies, too, so we noshed all day. Does that make for a perfect day, or what?!
i was expecting to see L this afternoon...but so far, he hasn't shown up. i may just go back and turn on the CD player again...it was so delightful last night, i wouldn't mind doing it again.
There's alot to be said for a couple hours of peaceful solitude. It's something i find i crave more and more the older i get. Eventually, i may just turn into a hermit...
Ah...here comes L now!!
Christmas Gift Dilemma
Over Thanksgiving weekend, i was sitting in Starbucks with Rick, and the subject of Christmas gifts came up. i had wanted to buy L a shirt...he's partial to short-sleeved striped polo shirts. Unfortunately, upstate NY is not the place to find short-sleeved shirts in November.
As we were chatting, i mentioned the earrings i'd seen while i was in TX. i had bought a pair to give to Maureen for working for me while i was away. They were heart-shaped dreamcatchers, with tiny red beads and silver feathers. i had half-teasingly said to L that he could get me a similar pair for Christmas.
As i told Rick over coffee, i wouldn't be surprised if L didn't buy them, deciding instead to wait till i come down again and could pick them out myself.
So, this evening, L and i were talking about the gifts he had to buy for his family. He told me he'd thought about going down to The Spotted Pony and getting me a pair of earrings....but decided to wait till i come down again and can pick them out!!!
i laughed so hard at that, that i went into a coughing fit. Then i explained why i found it so funny. (cause i had him pegged so well) He thought his idea made perfect sense.
"It does", i replied, "But i like the idea that YOU went and picked out the earrings that YOU like best. i will love them just for that reason."
"But they might not be the ones you'd prefer", he said.
i pointed out that since i wouldn't be there to see the other 150 varieties, i would have nothing to compare them TO...and would therefore love the ones he picked.
To me, that's what makes a gift meaningful. i want to think of him standing at the display case, trying to decide which would be the "perfect" pair for me. To know he picked something out just for me. It wouldn't mean as much if i said "I want those".
Sure, i understand the logic of having me pick them out myself. Then i'd be sure to get the pair i like best...but the "romance" would be lost. And when we spend so much time so far apart, those little gestures take on much larger proportions...at least for me.
It's not the earrings themselves that mean that much. It's that he puts his heart into the choosing. It's the part of him that comes with them, that means everything. i want to put in those earrings, and feel his love surround me. That's what i want for Christmas. That's what i want all year.
Btw, i did order him a polo shirt online. He knows, and doesn't seem too disappointed that it's not a surprise. My hope is that it'll come in time for Christmas, and he can wear it that day. i suppose i could've sent him a gift certificate, so he could've gone and gotten his own shirt...in a color he'd like (i didn't have much choice online, unfortunately). But, i like the idea of his wearing something i picked out...though i would've preferred to really pick it out...take it home, wrap and mail it myself. But, this was the best i could do.
i suppose it's silly to make such a fuss over Christmas gifts. They're not, after all, a measure of love....but they are a sweet reminder of the love that is there...