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My One True Life by wayward heart
July 2004
1Lights Out // Weird Little Man
2Will this ever end? // One Brief Shining Moment
4Does This Really Need a Title??
5These Feets Were Made For Walkin'
6Quote Du Jour // Almost Done
7Movie Survey // DONE!!!
8Ready To Go
17Surprises // Just When I Thought It Couldn't Get Weirder.....
18And the Survey Says: // Still the Kool-Aid Mom
19Quote Du Jour // Just Monday
20Too Many Messes
21Just Bitching
22More Bitching
23Peace and Quiet
24Holding On // Playlist for a Breakdown
25Putting Myself Back Together (for now)
27Straddle Your Noodles // Highlight
28Normal's Not Good Enough Any More // WAH!!!
29Every Now And Then It Boils Over
30Seeing the Counselor // Conversation
31A Little Prayer // Cue Gloria Gaynor

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A Little Prayer // Cue Gloria Gaynor
July 31, 2004

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods;
Because God if I pray for Strength
I'll beat him to death.

Cue Gloria Gaynor

Panache has had a very full, very fun day. We took her to PetSmart this afternoon to get her food. There were lots of other dogs was like a Canine Happy Hour! She was just thrilled! She also got a little "overly stimulated"...and pooped in the aisle.

I sent H off to find the "Oops" Station. At least he can clean up the dog's shit....since he seems incapable of dealing with his OWN.

On the way home, he said he was hungry, so we stopped at BJ's so he could get a hot dog. They were out of them, so he whined about just going hungry. I made a few suggestions as to what was available at home. I even asked if he'd like a grilled cheese sandwich. But when his reply was a shrug and a "Whatever", i shut up. Why bust my ass for a prick who can't even be gracious?

He holed himself up in the bedroom for the rest of the day to pay bills. I worked out, then Panache and Karen and I took a walk around the block.

Came home, and Lois phoned. I told her as best i could about what's been going on. Don't think H heard much, but even if he did, who cares? He's been acting all day like i'm in his way, and making it clear that he doesn't care to interact with me.

So...this is how you save a marriage??

Well, i'm convinced he has no intention of even trying to save it. I'm sure he's making plans to go live with his g/f. i'm not sure how soon he's planning to leave...but i am certain he is.

Wonder what he'll say when C (the counselor) tells him it's fruitless to proceed with marriage counseling as long as he continues with his affair? I have a feeling he may very well use Wed's counseling session to drop the bomb....

I asked Karen to talk to her brother the attorney....and see if he can recommend someone in the area. Beats using the yellow pages.

After talking to Lois, it was time for dinner. I was planning on salmon. I told H i was going to start dinner, and he says: "I'm not hungry right now. I went out and got a hamburger around 4pm"'s these little inconsiderate things...the thinking only of himself, the not being courteous that really rankles. He could have told me when i left to go walking with Karen that he was getting himself something to eat. Hell, he could've brought something home for ME...without saying a thing. But no. Only thinks of HIMSELF, and then complains "he's in this marriage alone". Well..DUH...why do you think THAT might be?? Could it be because you won't get your head out of your own ass long enough to take the other person into consideration???

I'm sure his g/f is gonna LOVE living with him....and she can HAVE the bastard.

I made the salmon, and put some on a plate to put in the fridge for him. As i was turning around to put the plate on the counter, the salmon slid right off the plate, and onto the floor. I calmly got out the spatula, scooped it up, tossed it back onto the plate, and into the fridge. He should be glad i didn't spit in it!

Now all of a sudden, he's being all chatty about the Mets game. He's heated his salmon, and is yakking at me while he eats. Swell.

The one thing i refuse to do though, is sink to his level. It may kill me, but i will NOT EVER have it said that i was a bitch to him. He may leave me because this woman is his "destiny"....but he will never be able to say honestly, that i EVER treated him with disrespect or meanness. I AM A LADY.

I may take the sonofabitch for everything i can get (which is no more than i deserve)....but i will NEVER stoop to being a bitch. I have too much respect for MYSELF to do so.

Karen came up with the perfect rejoinder should H or C ask if i'm willing to work on the marriage. "I'm willing to put as much into it as H is". Which, by the looks of things is absolutely nothing.

I don't think there's any purpose to marriage counseling at this point, and i don't see us going more than once. I, on the other hand, may continue on my own. As Lois suggested, it might be good to have the support through the ordeal. Seeing as she just got divorced, she knows what it entails, and i may take her advice.

I am fortunate though, cause i have very good friends. And i know that i'll get through this. I know it's gonna hurt like hell, and there will be many wounds...some old, some new....but i'm much stronger than i used to think i am...and i WILL survive (OK...cue Gloria Gaynor)
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