June 13, 2012
No work on my brother yet. Docs are still vain mapping and trying to decide if he can take the operation. He wants it. The prospects of living in between are not for him.........that behavior kind of runs in my family I guess.
I woke up to find this in my email this morning.
"Filling Black Holes
Wednesday June 13, 2012
We all have dark holes of insecurity inside. The Creator sends us people who will trigger them so we can correct them. The black holes, not the people.
Every time we are tested, we can choose to not react to the other person, and instead, decide that in spite of the pain we feel right now we are going to fill that hole with Light."
I subscribe to a service that shares some of my spiritual views and they send me something each day. Don't always agree with them but some resonate with me. This could not be better timed. It is the way I feel. Why I don't just put these feelings in the locker and keep going. Why I am so determined to finish this. I don't want to repeat it. Up to this point I was not able to do it but I feel strongly that this is the moment. That the pices have fallen into place. It is what I am supposed to do.
I would not be this calm about it if it was not. I would not have been able to tolerate the feelings at the level they are if I was not ready to address them. It has taken a long time to reach this point. Lots of angst and work. Each step has brought me more happiness and contentment. It is worth the effort. Even in the times I truly wanted to give up something kept me going. Faith, friends love, anger, stubbornness.....it all came into play to keep me going.
This week I have missed having someone in my life. There have been days I just wanted to rest my head on someones lap and just not think. Just be taken care of. Told that everything would be ok. That I would be fine.......some days it is like that.
Things I am thankful for:
BACON!!!!! I am on this bacon kick