November 29, 2013
Yesterday was nice. Quiet. Son called in the evening to talk. He had a particulary bad call. One there is really nothing to say but one you never forget or understand. I hated those. I am glad he called and talked to me about it. There is no fixing something like that only sharing with others that understand. Kind of like veterans share with each other I imagine. Shared experiences.
He will be here soon. I say home but this is not his home anymore. He has made a home........a good one. Good friends. Good memories. Good life. It is what life is about. What my job as a parent was.
Had an interesting dream. My mother was in it. I did something and she was not satisfied......nothing new. No big deal but what happened next really kicked me in the gut. In the dream I linked my mother and Pam. Their behaviors. What happened next was equally dramatic. I felt this physically in the pit of my stomach. I realized I was taking out my past on Pam. Not only that but that she was not my mother and it was time to let the anger go. That both women were products of their experiences and you can't change that any more than I can change mine. That it was also lucky I left the marriage. I didn't belong with her. I don't regret the time especially since I had Sean because of this union but I never belonged. Maybe Sean was the only reason I was there in the first place.
Things I am thankful for:
Another day on the earth
Son will be home soon
I feel good