July 3, 2015
Thought today would be slow and easy. Nope. Busy. Not complaining.
I am not sure why I have not been able to get my eating under control. Why I am choosing to gain weight and feel badly for a few bites of something that gives me pleasure. LOL sounds like an addiction to me.......
I don't know if I can break this cycle. I used exercise before to break it. The pleasure I got from walking and lifting. Now walking is painful. Lifting is painful. Stretching is painful. I don't want pain killers. That is a slippery slope that I have seen many go down. So how do I find pleasure in something else besides food? Drinking is not a good choice besides it being useless calories the hang overs are just now worth the pleasure.
Am I whining? Being a victim? Bullshitting myself? Making excises for being other than adult about this?
Fuck I don't know.
Things I am thankful for:
Two day weekend
Asking questions.....hoping for answers