December 26, 2016
Stretching and still feeling benefits from it. Being careful though. The muscles in my lower back and torso are beginning to get sore.
My weekend and holiday was nice. I really relaxed. It's funny. Last year I went shopping and bought all kinds of food to make all these different dishes. This year......my cart at the store had a few things in it. I would stand in front of the meat counter and think......"do I really want to eat that?" In front of the bread and cheese and think "do I really want to eat that?" In the candy isle and think the same. Just didn't feel the need to do that. Maybe I'm making progress? There is something changing in me. Can't say for sure what it is but something.
This is the first Christmas in over 30 years I didn't see Pam. She would usually show up unannounced. Bring something for me but the real reason was she wanted to know about Sean. This year I kept contact to a minimum. I was glad I didn't have to see her and look in her eyes while telling her I didn't know if Sean would come back or not. You know that person that, no matter how truth is presented, they absolutely refuse to see that truth? A while back I realized that nothing I would ever do would help her see the impact of her actions on her son. To see it meant she had to do something. That she could never do. So I just say I don't know and it hangs in the air like badly told lies do. Made me so uncomfortable. It would cling to me for days after. I hate that. So for this year I didn't have to do that and it made for a much nicer holiday for me.
To write that was like shedding skin.
This year has been really good for me in so many ways. My life is so different.
Things I am thankful for:
family, the one you make not the one you have not choice in.