February 10, 2018
I don't want to be depressed. I don't have time. I don't want to be angry.....don't have time. I don't want to have to do the steps in grief......I don't. Too much loss too fast. Beaten me down. I know. I know.......time.....patience.......healing. Everything takes time.
Came down and opened the shop this morning. A woman came in to pick up her glasses. I've known her for a while. I didn't know she recently lost everything. Her car, her house, her job, her companion......everything except her life. She had no money. An old boyfriend was buying her glasses for her. She can't see without them. She had gone without them for over a month. Not being able to see who was two feet in front of you. Not being able to watch TV, use a computer, read a book, take a walk. I can't imagine how helpless she felt.
Life is messy. It is about how you come through it. The choices you make. How you want to view your world. How you want to feel about the cards you're dealt. Life happens. It always will. On the other side of that mountain is another mountain. You may as well enjoy the view as much as possible and understand the mountain has nothing against you. Life isn't personal. It's just life.
My anger I feel. My frustration. My sadness....it is energy left from emotions generated from a sense of loss.
Just had the strangest thing happen. The phone rang and it was a my sister Chris. I hadn't talked to her in......well probably longer than my sister Ann. She sounded frightened to talk to me.....again odd. She said she knew I was busy and that she just wanted to tell me she was thinking about me. That Ann's death had hit her hard and she was glad she didn't have to drive up to Michigan for the funeral........than she said goodbye after telling me she was praying for me........I have such a strange family LOL.
Anyways.....life is messy. You can't live it without climbing those mountains.
Things I am thankful for:
understanding my feelings
climbing that mountain once again