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I guess I have to grow up. by khh6
 
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8/20/18
August 20, 2018

Feeling: good


I took yesterday off. Stayed home. Relaxed. Didn’t put any pressure on myself to do anything. I did get up and go to breakfast with John and Mitzi. Had a nice time. It was interesting to listen to Mitzi. She was wound up about something and it was coming out by her being very sarcastic. I didn’t take it on. Not my circus not my monkeys. It was just interesting to watch. For her it looks like when she is stressed she becomes more controlling. I don’t know what in her life she felt was out of control but something was out of wack. Anyways other than that observation it was a nice morning and breakfast. We had some laughs. I went to Home Depot………..I wish I had my own Home Depot……..just mine…….and I owned everything in it! I picked up some stuff for the studio. I had every intention of working on the studio but decided against it. Decided to go home and take care of my body.

Every morning I wake and remind myself how fortunate I am to have another day. Remind myself to be kind, patient, compassionate. To be the best man I can. To do my best to leave the world a better place for my having been alive for another day. It means something to me to say this to myself. It means something to put these things into actions. It has more value than anything else I can do during my day.

At night before I call asleep I don’t reflect on the money I didn’t make. I don’t think about my status or how well the company is doing. I think about how I could have handled an interaction better with a person. I think about how I could have made different choices and how those choices could have changed an outcome. Lastly I tell myself I will do better tomorrow.

I reflect on how my emotions can sometimes dictate my choices. How better to manage them.

Mostly I remind myself that nothing I have with the exception of a very few things has true value. That almost everything I have could be lost and my life would still be as fulfilling as it is now.

I know it sounds naive. It’s not. It’s realization.

I have lost and rebuilt so many times I lost count. Been completely alone and without a clear path so many times. Been afraid………

The next morning I open my eyes. I get out of bed. I take that first step and I look for that path. I marvel at the fact I am alive and can choose to be happy. To not dwell on the past. Not be a prisoner to what I own or don’t have.

Wow…...strange morning.


Things I am thankful for:

opened my eyes for one more day

feel thankful

took care of myself
 
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