January 11, 2018
well, January strikes again. maybe not our best month these last 2 years.
so there are my favorite mantras again....one day at a time. and we can do hard things.
also g says we can love the hell outta this crazy world.
it's beyond doubt, a crazy fking world.
and we don't always sail thru it in the best of health.
we often find ourselves messed up. and as zandra said yesterday, with timing I didn't realize til this morning was so perfect...(thank you big U once again), " y loco todos tenemos un poco"...and we are all a little bit crazy.
so there are two parts here---loving the hell outta the whole in each of us (even the crazy parts) and loving the hell outta this messed up and crazy ride of a world we live in.
because we really are beautiful and it is really a beautiful life. all we have to do is ponder for a second what the alternatives are and our heads get straight again.
we are all cracked as leonard cohen said. that's how the light gets in.
here's to the cracks in all of us, may we walk forward in that cleaner, healing, oh so beautiful light.
what I did with the circumstances of life today? I crashed. I totally caved in with exhaustion at about 9 am. I sat in a parking lot waiting for c and cried.
and I felt guilty because I KNOW this is all so manageable. but just for today, just for the record, I felt so tired. I felt so tired every muscle ached. even my skin hurt. and my heart? if I just checked in on it tears rushed to my eyes and I had to blink them back before they spilled.
so I cancelled my scheduled play for tonite. and I gave myself permission to bow out of any and all happenings I've already signed up and paid for on the calendar for this weekend.