| to be a goddess. . .|
August 10, 2006
Iíve always wanted to be a woman with a past. You know mysterious and alluring and while weíre at it elegant and graceful, yet completely down to earth. Well read and well traveled and seriously intelligent with out being a bit arrogant. I wanted to be the woman who laughs out loud, heartily and doesnít give a rats ass who hears and doesnít give a damn what other people think.
I know a couple of women like this; oneís a little more reserved and the other is more crass, but people love both of them. I myself am endeared to both of them; one knows the other is a new friend I really would like to get to know better.
My daughter and I were talking last night and one of the things we were both excited about is that we are in new towns-no one really knows us. So we have the opportunity to become the people we want to be-sans stereotypes and past mistakes. No one knows about that stuff. Iím not saying to be something you are not, but what I am saying is to be yourself, yet better. Thereís opportunity to try on new personality aspects-play with your appearance and project yourself differently.
With that said, I am driven by passion and passionate people. I am a lover and seek out those who rub their fingers across the texture of the moment, who do not cage their Self into pre-made rules but see and understand the moment and situation at hand; those with an open heart but enough street skills to know when it is time to leave. Those that understand that angels are guarding and directing our every step but wont bail you outta every dumb ass move you make, and will rather be there to comfort you through it. Those that understand that this life is but a very clever illusion; a potent, lucid dream where nothing is really happening at all and since we happen to be here in this lucid dream, let us create the life that we wish to live. I am conscious of my actions, my feelings and my ever faithful gut instincts yet sometimes I'm still an asshole. I enjoy danger and strolling out along the edge of life to get a good look at the view... it's breathtaking from up here but I have no desire to jump. I make my own rules but enjoy and seek the counsel of the wisest of those that I know and ask for guidance from the Divine. I enjoy working with others but despise politics and pettiness because they make me grumpy and that's not my job.
I knew when I was a kid, that in order for me to be a writer I must live a life worthy of writing about. I realized that my friends around me were never going to go on the road with me and I was sure there had to be others out their like me...you know the ones that are mad, mad to live, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, who never say a common place thing and burn like fabulous roman candles. Yes, I was in search of, "my people" the kind of characters that populated the best books. So I took a good look around forever with pen in hand for my education. I can sit by the fire and tell of the women that came before me, in awe of the strength and sacrifice to build a home far, far away from anything theyíve ever known.
I have been traveling since I was kid, something I learned to appreciate from my father. I am happy to be a rollin' stone and feel most at home in the midst of constant travel and change. I love to laugh and if thereís nothing fun happening, I usually manifest or create a good time on the spot or leave in pursuit of better company. I enjoy people who can make me laugh and think at the same time the most. I LOVE to DANCE. Hey, did I mention how much I love to dance? If not, let me tell you...I love to dance and sing along with whatever music is playing; not caring if I know all the words. I donít give a damn who I annoy either.
I am not afraid to die because when I leave I know I am going home, but I have a lot of work to get done before I check out. Every ending is just the intro to a new beginning. I live very fast in a healthy way. I like to catch a killer buzz but don't like to be sloppy. I enjoy a lover who likes to show me off. I like to slow dance in broad daylight in the middle of the street or the sidewalk with my sweetheart, if I feel so inclined. If I am having a moment with someone I could care less who sees my acts of public affection. I love spending time with intellectuals, poets, comedians, actors, writers, musicians, lovers, travelers. Sweet hearted and kind people are SEXY. If a film or book touches me, chances are I'll be blubbering. I like staying up all night and watching the sunrise. I like sleeping outside under the stars in the summer, riding bikes, and hiking, camping, swimming at the lake. Iíve got the gypsy heart, I love to wander. Stories and inspiration come from everywhere. I love listening the blues, the sound of booming drums and intricate layering of sounds, screaming guitars and the evocative resonance of pure emotion expressed by a human voice. Music is a lot like love, there just arenít enough words to describe the way it makes you feel.
I am not in search of anything, but am trying to be the best me I can be. Happiness is not a destination; it is something inside ones self. Let it happen to you, find it in the smallest pleasures. I know I am completely taken care of and am on the right path. All situations either good or bad, all have brought tools into my life to help me appreciate this life even more and to see beyond the veil. I learn something from every one Iíve ever met. I am grateful for my story...mistakes and all.
Iím ready to live the life Iíve always imagined.